complications of a teenage life;

The irony to situations...

2010-06-20T00:08:00.002+08:00

It's soironic on how people react.. Be it or not that i am supposed to be rather pissed or hyped up i'm not.. Reason being, cos i know someday down the road, everyone's gonna be all smiles!

I'm not pointing out to anyone that this is to offend them.. But i'm definitely pointing it out to someone that i'm happy for that person! :)

2010-04-11T03:34:00.002+08:00

I had always told myself that life is full of challenges that i can face and that i can go through. But never did i imagine that i could face the situation i am in now. It makes me doubt myself about my strength and what nots. whatever it is, just smile!!!

2010-02-24T15:01:00.002+08:00

How many of us still view life as a story that would remain untold?

How would you view life as a sweet love story ?

For the people who have always anticipated in my blog, i'm sorry i haven't been updating this blog for ages, because i've been always updating my other personal blog. Sorry.

I would like to tell you people how much i love my self declared bestie. No names mentioned.
Hint: Ilyas's twin brother ? haha.

Anyway, he is someone who is rather different from the ones i've met. i agree there are pros and cons in everyone, but whats a human without both negativity and positivity right ?

Absolutely true! And so, I LOVE MY LIFE THE WAY IT IS NOW. (I guess) k bye!

Anyway, just a short post to tell you people i'm still surviving ? ;)

Spread some love.

2010-01-22T20:19:00.001+08:00

Somehow, i really hope that the best friend would change and will be there forever.. I would really hope that so... i miss you...

2010-01-19T18:47:00.002+08:00

After all that i've went through, all i feel right now is still to have him by my side.

The brother..
The best friend...
The sister...
The mother...
The father..
The listening ear..
The crying shoulder...
The walking partner...
The laughing partner...

What else can i list out about him.. After all these, i just wanna say, i still accept you for who you are and i will never give up..

You were there when i needed you, and even though you don't know when you were there, i know when you were there. I know when you made me smile. I know when you are just yourself to make my day.. But after all this, i still hope you'd not go far away...

Does the problem lie with me, or is it just the way it is ??

And there is nothing more painful to see your feelings to take you down... It's so hard to know what you feel inside..But you might feel better if you let me walk with you by your side...

I am dying inside and losing myself seeing you this way. Just try your best and know that i'm behind you throughout... I will be.. Have been... and still am...

Please get back to me, meet me and let everything out for me to be receptive about...

Come back will you...

Just for you Yasin.....

2010-01-19T18:13:00.002+08:00

Define what is life?...
All of us have different views and perspective of what we see life and how we interpret it.

As for you, Life is to see happiness through others.
When others are happy, so are you...
When others are sad, so are you...
When others felty like they are at their lowest point in life, you will not join them by asking what is wrong... instead, you would be ignorant as an act to console that person.....

Once i thought, are u an angel send from above...?
To heal the broken hearted.... to fill the emptiness of others....

You were there for all your friends as far as i know....
Not only for me, for family... but also for each and every one of human being you regarded as friends.

Hey wait,
Look around the people that you heal?... It's a miracle that they are going through life as it is... and they are happy....

Deep down, it's you, your feelings, your inner self...
There have to be moments that you would want to go out from all these and live life for yourself.

And for that, it's for him...
I personally saw the hardship that you went through....
I personally saw those eyes which is fiiled with worriies and sorrow...
I personally saw the prayers that you recited....
I personally saw yourself, felt your feelings, understood your concern....

If no one understood, i did...
And i still am....
I truly understand what are you going through....

Life is as what it is...

I believe, with your hardwork in all that you've put in...
Things will change, so will He...

Put aside and filter fully what others have to say....
They might have understood love, but never friendship as it is a rare species to stick to friendship in life.

Whatever it is, i know that you will still pull through, even how many "I'm tired" phrase that you said out.... you will still do and give your best shot!

For that, i would tell you, Allah is fair....
HE willl make him change for the better, HE will give you happiness.

As for me,
i would pray... and it is for you... your happiness....

I LOVE YOU :)

2009-03-03T09:50:00.002+08:00

Hey there.

Hasn't it been sometime since this blog has been living. Lots of things have changed ever snice 2008.

People left and came back. People who left never came back as well. Left kranji sec with rather well results. Now doing nursing in kranji.

And my oh my!!!! what a stressful course nursing can get!! It has been so stressful and exams next week!!! like OH MY GOD!!

Anyhow, life still goes on. Next upcoming dance competition on the 28th of march 2009. Groove in the west. Wow! Good to hear isn't it ? It's a huge competition and i'm trembling on my knees.

I miss :

HUDA
ABG SHAM
AYIE
ADI
AARON
ZAIMY
SHARYFAH
FAIZ
KAK ANA
AMEERA
ELFA
KYMAH
ZUL
AFIQ
IRWAN
RICHIE
YONG KENG
KEGAN
IRFAN
KAK YANI
VINSON
SYED
SYAHMI
THAQIF
NAZ
SHAHRUL
LOO'LOO
RAHIMI
ETC.

I can keep going on you know. Like seriously... i miss alot of people.. i miss rainbow.

somehow, indirectly it hurts.

imy.

lifes like this.

2008-11-06T16:36:00.002+08:00

I LOVE MOHD ASY'ARI BIN SALEH!!!
I LOVE SHARILAH SIREGAR !!!
I LOVE ALL THE ONES WHO HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME.

while all the rest have been away.
the besty hae been great!
i just love em!

take care people!
spread some loveee!!

i love me!!!

thoughts...

2008-09-25T22:54:00.002+08:00

hey there. today was the day i talked to calvin in regards of my promotion. and it sucked i tell you. i was the dumbest shit ever. whenever im talking to him i feel like the tiniest little thing. for goodness sake, the feeling sucks when you're trembling like shit!

anw, i wanna tell you guys abt a best friend who stepped into my life recently. he has been ever great calling me at night and making me feel occupied and all. he is nice and always making me happy and bubbly! he's like the coolest thing and sweetest thing lahhhh!

he works with me with smiles and msges me with so much sweetness! but just a minute ago, i got a phrase from him that hurts like hell. he said smth like, "cos i don't care"... ouch! oh gawwdd! it sucks man!

anw, i don't wanna lose anyone and don't wanna change anything.. because i've lost people enough! I just lost my abg sham........ you guys won't know how much it hurts! ouch! ouch! ouch! urghhh! life... what can we say ? hmmm.

tc people. spread some lovee!

Lifes a hurdle you must oppose...

2008-09-12T23:51:00.005+08:00

How long has it been since my last update ? Well who cares. Considering my everlasting school journey, and on going career path as well as a huge circle of friends; its good enough that im updating as often as this. If you're interested to read this post, let me warn you first. It's gonna be a long update about my recent happenings.

Here it goes.

Starting of with N levels. Two papers are solely over and thank god i could do it well enough. It was really the outrageous nervous feeling when you standing outside the examination hall waiting for the chief examiner to call the candidates in. Besides the fast pumping of my heart and furious perspiration oozing out moisturizing every single inch of my body. However, once i got seated and started doing the paper, i was treating it like a normal examination. On a heavier note, it has been very challenging in school to keep up the pace teachers are setting. Goodness!

Next up comes a situation...

" Drop fries! Service in! "

"Bump order!"

"Follow ultra high!"

"Run counter"

"Thank you see you again!"

"Counter crew, peak service, HUSTLE!"

All this phrase has been in be for rather about 2 years. I have been thinking about it and it has somehow made a impact in my life. Leaving the store sooner or later would be rather a challenge for me. Though i find it really irritating that the crew here are always giving me a headache and all, they're somehow still in me. I keep thinking on how to improve the store, train crew to crew leader and so on.

Frankly, i still prefer to train my dear irwan and wilson compared to you know who. I just find both of them more capable of holding that designation. I don't know how they're gonna do in CKN5 when im away. Im gonna miss the times where i get to smile and laugh together as store putting all the political issues aside. But, i i say i have no problem in the store then id be lying. I definitely face a lot of difficulties and problems in the store. However, i still enjoy the atmosphere and all my regular customers. It is true that i am suppose to be happy to be facing a whole lot of exposure and a new designation at another store, but now it makes me think twice. I contradict my own feelings and i don't know how it works. I really hope i get a chance to work with everyone and feel good before my confirmation of leaving. I'd break into tears, i know.

Besides....

After a really long time i got to talk to my bestie a few days back. I got to tell him what i feel and whatever that's inside me. I was sad its true. However, he gave me hope that we'd sit down to settle things. I am really happy to be talking to him after a long time.... RICHIE KOH ZHONG YONG. I MISS YOU!!!!

Next up is about the step of new people in my life. I wanna thank my ADIK IRWAN & ADIK AFIQ for being great people around me and cheering up whenever i needed them. They keep me driving and also smiling whenever im down. However, no special treatment at work or whatsoever. Irwan have been cheering me up and god knows how i got close to him. I do worry about him every now and then. Who knows, a always smiling person has his own set of problems too. Afiq has been real nice too. He's like always there and i find it a routine to talk to him. God knows how i got close to him also though. His smiles and cries are always beneath me which id always remember.

Next is WILSON! He is a great friend, colleague and motivation for me to keep pushing my training of Crew leader. He is very eager to learn and is always around me with his bubbly attitude. PS: Thanks for featuring me in your blog.

Lastly, i miss my best friend. Shes been gone lately. She's abandon me and gone over to her comfort zone. AGAIN. idk if whats in her blog is going out to me, but i sill do care and love her.

Quote for today: i may look strong and bold whenever all of you see me but trust me, i have my own weakness and tears you know.

Bye peeps!!! Take good care of yourself and spread some love!!! Thanks for anticipating your time at my blog!

after some time...

2008-08-13T21:27:00.002+08:00

What can i say? The stressing feeling of preliminary examinations are haunting me like a journey that would never end. I feel so helpless but to suffer before i bear the sweet fruit which is worthwile.

After so long, i met my bestie! Adi Sufian!

We shared alot and talked about alot of things in general which i guessed we barely saw the time flying. I wanted to have practice today but it turned out that i had to cancel it. I think i shall confirm my dance crew involved for this competition.

Ilyas
Bow
Yasmin
Afiq
Yasin

for now we'd make do with it. the rest we'd think about it later on. anyhow, i don't have the right moodto blog right now. so c ya!

Sense of insecure.

2008-08-01T23:11:00.002+08:00

I am very sure everyone has felt the feeling of insecure. I just i've lost the ones i love. I just feel that i've lost them. First i lost ___________ now i'm in the process of losing ________. Is it that i'm expecting too much of you. Perhaps its maybe is that i'm not receptive of your actions and thoughts. Maybe the problem lies with me because i just have too many friends around me that got myself into a confused consequence and in a situation where my table is messy to an extend where i feel like triggering off whatever angst i've got in mind to brush of all the dust that i visualise in my daily life.

To whom it may concern:

I thought you wouldn't leave. Time and again you keep breaking my promises. Why did you have to keep so much of emotions within yourself and blame me for not understanding you ? Why did you have to keep in mind that i'm not what you'e been expecting of me. Why are you someone who always expect me to give in. Yes, i always want to be right and plae my ego before you, but have you ever realised how much i've been trying to sacrifise for you? Have you ever seen the side of me who tries so hard to make you feel that you're great ? Have you ever thought about the times when no one's there and i was ? Have you ever thought whether you've hurt me ? Why are you so different from before?

Am i expecting and visualising the things that are vague or things that is extra prominent into my eyes. Or maybe intepreting things which you will never understand ? If i am that bad, i rather you tell me off and ask me to leave and we can be normal friends and i can just leave your life and step out of every single thing i am in right now. Can you please let me know just what is your thoughts of me ?? This is going on for too long. I have no more listening ears which i can depend on. I am afraid that what i'm thinking of doing right now might hurt you. I don't even now whether it's the right thing to do. I am in a confused state more than you think i am. We both know in silence that things are left undone at the end of everyday's repetition of routine, but you still are not willing to settle things because you have someone in repacement of me is it ?

I am really unsure of my mood and feeling that internally harping on each and every thought that builds me up emotionally yet breaks me down at the end of it. Brilliant. Brilliant things they say to me. Act out to me. Yet again, i am trying to understand what all of them are upbringing to me. All my laughters, it makes everyone happy and hyperactive. It's great to see someone smile and looking into your eyes to thank you in great appreaciation. I just feel that i'm doing so much good to people that they advantage of me. I feel so unappreaciated. I just feel alone and empty with no one around me. I feel like everyone's just putting up an act. I really shape up their heart, their pillar of strength and emotions but they never fail to tear down mine. Sometimes, in life you should learn to be smug too. It helps you fight for your own rights.

To whom it may concern:

After talking to you, i feel like ouring every single thing out to you and let you know how i feel since you resemble _________ so much. I feel like letting you know how much inside of me is tearing apart. Thanks for your voice and honesty.

Right now, all i feel like doing is to talk to someone i trust, who can lend his/her listening ears. I feel like shit.

loveeeeeeeee!

2008-07-30T21:04:00.003+08:00

Now that is all my loveeees! But, i wanna make it rather more prominent about my love IRFAN!
(Irfan's the one who is sitting staring blankly. with purple border) That is the awesomest thing on earth! The cutest drug i got in mind. The one who makes me go like " awwww. he's so cutee."

OMG! Doesn't it looks like i am craaaazyyy about him! Heh.

I am like so crazy and dumb and out of mind. I am no mood to study at all but i gotta study. I really have to. I am studying. But i just am not studying enough. I need so much more time and so much more effort to study my lungs and slog out the fuck in me. I dont know what i'm thinking and i also don't know what i think i'm gonna do if i flop. Oh god, N levels. I am sscareeeeed! It breaks me into tears at times when i think about it. Oh crap!

Okay! School has been rather harsh on students of this era. Being in this era is total hard shit crap and definitely alot more stressing than i thout it could get. Revising for maths has been in me for months but i don't see it improving at all! Urgh! Biology and Social Studies has been interests but recognising every single term that comes into the subject factor makes me lost in confusion which is sooo unacceptable for a person like me who is about to take N levels in less than a month.

Mr foo is somehow trying to motivate us indirectly i guess. Though i don't really favour him in my list, i somehow listen to what he has to say at times. It sometimes is making sense and it rings a bell after sometime. Think about it. I suppose it's just the right time i need to wake up to reality and face it has got in line for me. All the activities that's been happening is questionning my moral courage of facing my books and all that notes that i scribble. My nerves are about to burst in tears not knowing what to do and where to head.

Have you ever wondered why are we in this position? Is it because we can't cope up or we just don't want to cope. Maybe because the standard of all those books and syllabus is just wayyy of our head to combine it into our brain juices and getting it nailed inside of us will a millionaire's question to answer. My surrounding, all my other challenges are inside of me that i'm trying to face and cope with and make sure i sprint ahead all the way till i tap the finishing line and shout to whole world" i'm done with one. What now? and what's next ?"

However hard it was for me to tell someone that life was full off challenges, it really is hard to face reality because we will be in denial of whatever angst it throws against us. I always hoped that i had a heart of stone or maybe a heart that is as hard as the bark of the tree. Because anything can get carved but will never reach to the bottom of everythink. Don't you think so ?

All this typing is motivating me to study all i wan and give it all i have got. I really hope that i am strong enough to face everything that is going to be throwned at me. I will face it with whatever i got and give back any revenge which i think i can. In this case, i will give studies back a smile and say that i can't take any revenge as it has done me good. Cool aye ?

Alright. For now that'd be it. See ya soon and take care! Looooved!

my secreats beneath...

2008-07-20T20:42:00.002+08:00

Why is everything in contradiction of me ?
Why do i miss you so much and i can't have you in my arms.
I feel you so far away from me.

What did i do to deserve this. ?
It's so hard for me to let you know that you're someone so close to my heart.
You just won't understand what i have always been feeling.
There was nothing i could say to you or do to you to make you see what you mean to me..

I wanna let you know that you've always been running my thick blood and you've never left my mind in terms of happiness, tears, joy and all the laughters i share with the world. All i know is that, i miss adoring your eyes, your smile, your laughter, your voice, yourself from afar and how much you used to tell me that you won't leave me.

You leave me speechless ever since you left me alone in the dark. I've always been searching for the right to meet you. Wherever you go, whatever you do, i'll be always right here waiting for you.

Abg sham, i've been always wanting to meet you. It's been so long... If only you knew... :(

i miss moh asy'ari bin mohd saleh! It's been so long since i ever got to hang out with him.... Haiz... I feel so helpless...

"Admist all the moments of ups and downs where the sky and clouds will puff up the night sky which brightens the light of the moon and makes all the stars sprinkle over the night sky.. I miss all my loved ones... "

after so long!

2008-06-29T19:15:00.002+08:00

Its been like forever since i've updated right? Ok whatever. Today had a dance audition. And guess what? We were like fucking blur la! Anyway, there after we headed to the place LIMBANG! OK PAUSE, "EVERYONES FUCKING LOOKING AT ME !" BTW, im at limbang now using naddy's lappy!

Anw, after heading to like limbang, i was sweating like pig! Oh PIGHEAD! So irfan had to raise up that i stink for me to change ! THAT PIG HEAD!! haha!

And ilyas don't believe that i will update my blog! Here it is ! Anyhow, it's been like so fun these days outside compared to a school life. It sucks ya knowww!

To whom it may concern:

Like how we need oxygen to breathe,
and how we need the three elements to survive
it contradicts the purpose of how all of u depend on people after sometime getting close to them.

A bonding after another, gets stronger day after day.
It is how we stop tears from blurring our vision.
Who knows in time to come, you might need the same person to depend on to get life going.
Everyone has felt it before.
The feeling of pacing up and down outside the A&E ward praying and hoping in no occasion
the person inside will be thrown in the caves of hell!
It is how much i feel of waiting for you to confess to me how much inside of you to let the world know and not be afraid of it.

Anyhow, see ya around! I LY PEOPLE!

i'm sorry...

2008-06-23T12:37:00.002+08:00

They said it takes time to get over serious relationship.
But i will wait patiently.
Still stuck on you guys.
Picture your smile, face and me.
I made a big mistake.
But now i gotta pay.
The consequences of my actions.
But untill you're back here in my arms, i'll never that i'm okay.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
I know that everybody makes mistakes.
And everybody will say that i'm fake.
i know letting go is always never the same.
I don't want to forget how much i love you.
How much i miss you.
You are everything to me....

History repeating itself. It isn't a nice feeling to face. I know that everything happened in a snap. Looking at your face, your eyes, your smile, your voice, your laughter and in all you yourself. It makes feel so much ponderous painful feeling that fills my eyes with tears that blurs my vision and makes me live in so much darkness feeling so far away from you.

Where did all your words go to ? Why did you say all those things to ____. It pains me hearing all these. Can i just run far away to make you realise that i really need you ?

How exactly will anyone know the feeling of facing you when we both know that things between us are somewhat haywire. I feel like climbing to every single rooftop to wait for your text messages or calls that always makes me smile and live on cloud nine like never before..

I still remember smiling all my way through because of a text message you sent me. I bet it happened to _______ as well. I know _____ is suffering in silnece. However, no matter what happens, i'm waiting for your return...

Let me love you..

2008-06-10T23:48:00.002+08:00

My tears stroll down my cheeks just like the raindrops hitting against the ground. No denial, i miss my colours. I miss my abg sham and kak ana so much more than i miss anyone else. I really do. I'm lying to myself. I'm acting as if i'm okay. I'm laughing my ass off everyday with tears in my eyes. I look at people with tears in my eyes, as though im yawning or something. Can somebody tell me i'm okay?

To whom it may concern.

Yes, that whole day with you was really adorable and fun! With so much fun, i did break down at home. I miss how much we used to be so close. I miss how we were. Basically, i miss you. I broke down like god knows how. I couldn't stand it. It's different. Everyone's moving away from me. I can feel it. This is killing me.

To whom it may concern.

It's been ages since you came to see me. And frankly my heart is breaking into smaller pieces each time i hear your name. Because im missing you too much. I miss how close we were. Me, you and that someone. But now, things are so much different. I cry every single night in silence. Just because i miss you.. Take me back into your arms will you ?

Oh crap,i feel so terrible. I miss them. But only god knows how i feel.
Ya allah, make me strong please ?
Amin.

2008-05-16T11:30:00.003+08:00

Oh how terrible can things get ?

Who doesnt realise the oh so beautiful perfect girl walking down the street at limbang macdonalds... And then everyone goes " oh my god! she's hot!" oh crap! hot and cheap i'd say.

Since when was i the one who started out whatever that happened. I just dont understand what is her motive and problem man. Initially i told myself to be netural but she spoiled her chance. She doesnt deserve it anymore. Id rather give my wholehearted love to those who deserve it compared to a girl selling herself every night at the cheapest price just to earn money.. What do you say ?

I don't understand how she carries herself, but too bad. I know her inside out. Anything i do, i can always trigger her feelings off and make sure i pinch at the right place for her to feel the most painful sensation and makes sure she's drowned in her own feeling. Well, this is to let her know that i have far more yet to hit against her to make sure she's sobbing at home wetting the whole bed throughout the night without any sleep and getting eye bags the next day! EWWWW!

Now, let's forget about the cheap stuff.. BUT! if you want it ? Go and grab it... a good price to offer you knowwww!! Mean aint i?

I have been leading a life which never fails to make me smile. With all the great people around me, awwww!

More updates sooon. Kinda blurred out! CHAOS!

Bleeding..

2008-05-12T12:39:00.002+08:00

Here comes a whole lot shit of whining that you've not seen for a long time.

After sometime when we all think about it, different people have different problems in their head to think about. Yet again, if you bother to brainstorm a bit only certain problems can be solved. As for some, you have to live with it. This is reality.

While walking down the street have you ever thought that reality is really very mean. That reality makes you cry once in a while or rather almost everytime.

Or put it in a way that is more of a "MANLY" term Reality STRESSES you up every now and then. We never bother to think about all this because we keep thinking that all this comes naturally with a flow. No one realises its yours to call.

The bubbly boy with a good smile and very humble look has his own problems too. Who knows he gets really frighten toi lose the people around him. To keep harping on that thought a million times till people can't be bothered to listen to his whinings. Being afraid that his loved ones are not okay and stuffs. You may never know isn't it ..

Everyone says " If you're down, i'll be there for you.. " Thing is, will you be ? Are you willing to be ? Better still, Are you even bothered? Then these promises are left said and undone at the end of time. When i'm really down i always look upon the people i love around me. But what if i'm down about the people i love around me ? Do i get to look up upon them ? I can't.. Cos somehow it'd hurt them.. Sometimes, even knowing that you're really fragile and you care too much and too deep for someone, you still can't change that factor that's in you.. This is because it just lives in you.. Doesn't it ?

I know of this someone. Let's name this person John.

John is a really nice person. He takes care of me. Makes me feel loved and stuffs. Thing is, i wanna step out of his life slowly because i am afraid that one day he'd leave me. So, if i slowly step out, it'd seem like a naturally flowed thing you know. Oh well, it hurts. Very much. But i do have to go through this portion of pain to make sure that i don't face so much more of it in future. I'd rather be at the foundation of the moutain pushing him to the peak of the mountain and let him forget me later on than me being at the peak of the mountain together with him and him forgetting me.. Don't get this theory huh ? Read it again, and again till you get it..

It might be over and done but the heart ache lives on inside. If only you can tell or show people how much they mean to you. But the whole fact here is that, expressing this kind of things doesn't come in words..

"Reflections on the water, i share with you on my blank paper.
call out your name as if i don't know you or i've had you replaced.
Were you real and were you here
What is this feeling that i fear
Open up and make things clear
Do you love me ?

Screaming out loud wont help but it makes me feel better
Nothing compares to this
Why are we still here shouldnt we have moved
but still we stay
i cannot be with you
let me go..

The scars upon your head pierce through my soul yet i can't love you
the way that you love me why can't you see that like this we wont last
trust me we will be just fine
let go of these feelings you feel inside
i know in just a matter of time
we'll be fine..."

I hope you got what i mean.. I have my reasons to it..

In time to come, more updates...

After a long time..

2008-04-23T21:23:00.002+08:00

Sunrise after sunrise i tell myself i have to update my blog but i don't seem to achieve that resolution of mine. Till today, i achieved it. Before i start my whines, i would like to extent my greatest apology to all the readers of my blog who anticipates every now and then to check out whether I've updated. However, after a long time, here you are!

To start off with, let's give updates about everything.

Recently, i have been rather active with dancing and very inactive at work and school. I have some plans for work and school though. MDS at Limang MacDonalds operates every Friday, Saturday and Sunday only, I dearly miss my riders very much. A lot of happenings just before it changed in the operation hours though. Loads of chaos which was left for some of my loves to clean up. Somehow, they left the table messy and walk away in a snap. Gosh! This is really immature.

Apart from that, i was someday really happy that my KAKAK and ABANG got together and was a very really sweet couple who'd never fail to make me smile sincerely. However, thanks to all the mess, things didn't work out between them. I was hurt, disappointed and sad but i told myself, things will get better slowly but let it calm first Shocking thing was, i respected kakak for not hiding it from me and letting me know and still love me like how she used to. I respected abang for keeping his words that things wont change and that everything will be the same like before which he did show it to me as a factual reality. I love them a lot and just want them to know that they run in my blood. Like how the saying goes, blood is thicker than water, I just want them to know i really love them. After a long time of meeting both of them, i got to meet kakak yesterday and meet abang today. Awww!

After a long time of being missing, BUDDY Asy'ari met up with me and sat down with me and had a long chat and gave me a lot of advice and listening ear and all. Had a great time with him and really was surprised that we had loads to catch up on. So ya, BUDDY!

Talking about that, my another BUDDY have been missing! Adi Suffian! I've been trying to meet him and he doesn't seem to bother! GOSH! He's busy i suppose. I should understand by being a good friend! :)

My *PIT* is rather obsessed and going crazy about the fairy tale of DRAGON and DRAGONFLY!
Awwww! But, i suppose she has found her love! :) sweet!

Kak Ana has been there throughout the shit of life! Hats off to her! :) I love her!

Apart from all these, thing i want most is to get to meet my missing people and thanks the people who made my day!!!!

To whom it may concern:

I was really touched when you called me and asked me whether i can meet you. I was really shocked and very happy that we meet after a long time! LOVE YA!

PS: thanks for making your words true!

I will end here and see you soon. Take care people! ~Wei-she-ma!~

i love you!

2008-02-26T11:40:00.002+08:00

i love them! the people who are so important to me...

HUDA...
AYIE...
KAK ANA...

and yada yada yada...

them lahh!

all of them i loveeee!

whee.
i'm suddenlyso high because i was reading through all those messages they all sent me. that me strong!

hurhur!

thats all for now.!

wheeeee!

2008-02-20T22:59:00.002+08:00

to the one who made my life filled with colourful colors!

hey there! once again i thank you sooo much!
for everything. but i begin to start fearing already.
you wont be like the others will you ?
you won't leave me in an instant right ?
you won't just go away right ?

we'd be like this always constantly right ?
we wont wither just like all those flowers i see right ?
i just can't seem to tell you this but its true.
deep down inside i only think of you to turn to.
but each time i wanna confide into you, i'm afraid
you'd be treating me just like how they all did
just like how they all left.
just like how they all want to leave.
just like how everything went wrong.

you wont walk away will you ?
you'd be honest and not talk behind my back right?
you won't stop the trackmill will you ?
its like everytime i feel the pillar crushing down i think of you and i swear!
i won't take the blow if you were to suddenly go missing .
i swear.
i really mean it.
you won't do that to me right ?
you've been there from the start and always kept my fuel running.
you will bring me through life right ?

you won't take another knife to cut right through me will you ?
am i thinking too much ?
am i disturning you too much ?
or is my phobia the one that's disturbing me too much ?

i really hope nothing of the past will re-happen.

afterall, thanks soo much for being right beside me not physically but mentally, emotionally. you're far away from me in physical terms but already a part of my heart deep down inside. and i'd never lose another friend. i hope! it's all in your hands bro.

and it's great having a elder brother figure. if only i had that elder bro in my life... but i've found one who makes me just the same way like it was years ago. thanks!

lastly, I LOVE YOU LAR HEY! DONT WALK OUT WILL YOU!

new love!

2008-02-15T13:23:00.002+08:00

I know it's been a long time since i've updated but guess what ? I've been rather busy with all the things that's going on. And all those never ending problems. Guess what? First of all....

I wanna tell you guys about my dear mummy!

i know you're suffering inside. i know you can't stand the pain.
and i know you don't want to let go.
i know i sound discouraging.
i know that you love him like no other.
and its great that you know it's your fault.
but please be mature and stop thinking about suicide and what nots.
please be strong and take my hands along even if you're going away to the wrong path.
use my shoulder if you need it.
use my ears if you need it.
come to me anytime you need a hug and i will not push you away.
all you have to know is that life is all about learning.
it's time all us learn a lessonisn't it ?
you take care and smile always sweetheart!
I LOVE YOU!

Next i will like to thank someone who came into my life and made everything so colorful!

hey there! Thanks so much for those listening ears.
for asking if i'm okay.
for teaching me maths though i'm so irritating disturbing you during your working hours.
for accompanying me throughout the times when i'm down.
for advicing me what i should and should not do.
for opening up to me and letting me know what life is all about.
for asking me to be strong.
for coming down to mac even though you're not working.
for making me feel so loved.
for making me realise how a elder brother will handle another.
for making me think how handle situations.
for having so much trust in me that i will make it through
for knowing that the real yasin is someone positive.
for letting me know that you understand how i feel.
and for coming into my life just as who you are to guide me through the lessons of life.,

I LOVE YOU LAR HEY! THANKS SO MUCH!!

That was my motive and it's all done. i shall update soon enough.!

pissed off!

2008-01-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

Hey there. Been sometime yea ? Well, today sucked. I got to know registrations for danceworks close two days ago which i am tottaly PISSED OFF~~!

got to know that SOME PEOPLE WHO I TRUST LIKE FUCKING HELL SPREAD FUCKING RUMOURS! I hate them to the core larh! GO AND DIE LARH!

To even think that after all i've been through for you guys, you guys still can play me out ? THANKS ARH EHK!

After a long time, i get back to my blgo to see hate taggers. URGH! i really can't be bothered to entertain sia. ILLITERATE!

OKAY! done with all my unhappiness.

Thing is, my dance is working well! My group is doing good! GOGOGO RIK!

Met up with a LONG lost friend and catch up and hope to meet soon!

Hang out with a bestie who ditched me a LOOOOOONG time ago which brought someone to tears!

studying well! DOING GREAT IN SCHOOL! but stressful lah!

and i think thats all larh ah! =)

okay people take care!

ever changing;

2008-01-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

I started to realise that my strong posession over the people i really care is being a flaw in me. Alot of them told me to just let things be when people are keeping a distance from me just because they think that i care too much. They told me to wait for them to realise that i really care and like butterfly they will fly back to me.

How often do you get things like this. As in for people to be distancing themselves away from you just because you care for them too much kind of thing. I mean having everything too much is a flaw and becomes equivelant to poison. I am aware. I just can't seem to accept the fact that they just seem to be different. Distancing and avoiding is two different whole terms with similar concept. It's okay to be distancing away but i won't stand it if it was to avoiding. That is the whole matter.

All in all i shall just be myself and wait for their return. I guess that would be the best of all right ? On the other end i also realised my friendship with those i was close to has a space in between. All my friends who just graduating and are pursuing their studies in the ITE. Oh well, i know they'd success. As for another friend of mine she is stopping here and instead of the ITE, she is taking private Os. Im sure she'd make it big.

To be able to withstand all that pressure that she got to catch up with is just a challenging thing to overcome. As long she makes it through it'd be a good thing.

I was planning to actually meet up a old friend of mine. Who i haven;t met for a long time. He has been missing for wuite sometime but he was busy so i just had to understand as he has his own lifestyle to lead. So i decided to meet another friend of mine. To think about it, it was almost one whole year that we contacted each other, but i don't see a space between us that we've missed. It seems like we're updated about all the series of events that happened in between that period.

I suppose now that school has started, i am already dead tired having bodyaches every single day with no energy to continue. Besides, i feel the pressure of N levels already. I am so dead scared that i start to flip through whatever i have studied. Gosh. This is terribly scary that it makes me drop. Let's hope that i have this consistency till the end of the whole nightmare. I have a bigger nightmare next year. Oh crap!

I was just reflecting on whatever that happened the past few days and i started brainstorming about how i got to know my circle of friends wich i haven't actually figured out many of them yet. Something that i'd never forget is definitely the people that i put my heart and souls for. That will actually show how much i get treasure them. I'm definitely not so thick skinned to be approaching them and suddenly blurt something as weird as this.

Many things have changed in as the years pass by. I cry accepting the fact that i lost many people in my life who i actually respect with all my heart. I really hope i'd get back to that state of friendship where i'm able to save my friendship. If only i could turn back time. Isn't that what everyone says ?

Okay. I think i am starting to crap. I am contradicting with whatever i am writing. So i shall just end here. See you people around. Of course, not forgetting to remind you guys to keep those tags rolling in!

i miss u.

2008-01-02T21:38:00.000+08:00

The reason im blogging again is because im feeling really really down. I was actually preparing stuffs for tomorrow when i came across this picture i took with __. I suddenly broke down in tears because i suddenly remembered of all those times i spent with him and _____ which brought me to where i am right now. I remember how dependant i was towards them. I really think i should be independant but i think i am not yet ready. I broke down in tears because i feel that things are all falling apart. It hurts me that things have actually _____. I just can't seem to accept that fact and thats final.

I started to play a piano instrumental, and each time i hear every note, i start to collect tears at the tip of my eye getting the blurry vision. And it's because i felt a sudden pierce in my heart that i miss those moments which i hope will come back again. Maybe it just comes about once a year when i really need it the most.

What i don't understand is why must things always end up with the same ending for me. More importantly, why must i be so emotional to commit myself to all my friends. Oh well, i think things are still the same just that the atmosphere is more mature when we're without the rest. Is that so ? Or is it that i have changed or have you changed ? Or rather, you just feel more comfortable being with _____. All in all, when the same situation gets to me again, i don't want to lose it and in fact want to have the same way and routine of study.

And of all i have posted up here, the most important thing is that I MISS ___!

I LOVE ___!

and i hope my dreams and wishes will come true just like any other's wishes.

pssst! i swear i miss you. i swear i miss those times. But now i feel a difference in our relationship. I hope you will read this and know that its for you. Cos i wont tell you its for you!

it feels different...

2008-01-02T20:52:00.000+08:00

Yet again. That same old routine come about. The sleep late and wake up early in the morning to go school routine. Oh well, its good but scary thanks to the stress of taking N level. DUHH!

This year's N level and i gotta strive. First day of school is like any other boring day. Listening to all the yaddlings and stuffs. Oh well, it feels like a new environment though! Somehow or other!

Then there is this thought at the back of my mind... I really don't know why but i felt kinda weird when i was out with ____. I don't know what or how or why. But all i know is that something just doesn't feel right. Id just keep praying for things to be normal again. I think it would. I heard that _______ didnt talk to _____. Scary isnt it ?? Shit me man! Im so sure shes damn dissapointed and thats why she cant be bothered to talk to ______.

And after all those laughters, smiles and talks, i realised i really enjoyed myself and kept my mind free! After all, i think its perfectly fine... Know what ?? I really hope that itd feel the same... On top of that, i really hope things are gonna be the same! PRAYERS WITH FINGERS CROSSED!

hurt-ed;

2007-12-24T19:40:00.000+08:00

Theres nothing i could say to you. Nothing i could ever do,
To make you see... What you mean to me...
All the pain and tears i cried. Still you never said goodbye,
and now i know... How far you'd go...
And if i let you down. id turn it all around...
Next time i'll never let you go...

All this time... I really cared and showered everything to them. I miss them too much. And after much thoughts, its seems like my thought might be true... Did i care too much ? Did all the things i say was wrong ? Was i just too close to them ?

They really meant the world to me. I never regretted knowing them.... Its hurting... I miss their presence... It still lingers. Are these tears worth crying ?

I still remember how touched and happy i was having them in my life. Nights are passing without a reason for me to smile. I remember sitting by the river smiling, laughing and crying together. The atmosphere was the best ever. To hear them say how much they treasure me... And how much i meant to them... All i ever asked for was the best for them and thats all. But i guess even though i went through it all, i am just going overboard... Perhaps...

I gathered all memories and told myself, id be waiting for the time things would get better. I dowant to be clearing up the mess because im afraid it might get worst. And the hardest part of everything is leaving you guys...

Sumtymes on life u gotta think about the things you say. Maybe when you say somethings you gotta decide if you;re sincere about it. Cuz after all, its your deep thoughts that matter. Theres too many questions i can never answer when im in this condition. Oh well...

I recieve no goodnight greetings anymore... I dont recieve the same treatment... Just what happened and this oculd be this way. Cause i cant let you go and thats why i brood over this. I wish you understood how much i need you. But i just cant let you know.

Just whats enough for you ? Its the thing that means everything. How i wish i didnt have to go through this. I hate how much i nid you. Cos im afraid of losing you.... I thought you said you dowant to lose me. I thought you said you cant afford to lose me ? I see no light and no sense of secure. Just what are you trying to do and make me feel ??

I hope id just go through all this and be the one who gains out of iit in the end...

whatever it is i miss them and lovethem to ther core....

save me from this darkness please?

i should give in....

2007-12-19T23:32:00.001+08:00

I realised, though im hurt and angry and sad and god knows what feelings i felt, i realised there was no point brooding over it and it was better to talk things out.

So now, i calmed myself down and told myself that i should sit and have a good chit chat session with them. Though im still sad, id rather talk and settle things then keep brooding over it. Right ?

So i have actually decided that i will talk to them..

I think i've done the right thing and i hope i have...

ive never wanted to dissapoint you but i really tried and i keep trying... I swear i didn't want to dissapoint you. Maybe its my fault. For not telling u so much earlier, but i always thought that ud understand. Im sorrie. and i noe im at fault. im really sorry... am i forgiven...

im sincerely SORRY MS VANS!

Please tell me that the things that would be told by them is honest please ?

till here...

dissapointment..

2007-12-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

What did i do to ever ever to let you dissapoint me ? To hide things from me ? To keep it as a secret from me ?

I thought i always told you guys that i am approachable and that you guys can always tell me anything. Though i might me angry, sad and dissapointed... Doing this makes me sooo much dissapointed... Seriously.... It's too hurting... I thought i always treated you guys like gems ?I though i always carried you guys and made you guys my priority and put you guys before me ?

What made you two hide this from me ? I have EVERY rights to know about this and you guys hid it from me ? How scared and worried can i get ? How do you expect to ever trust you guys in future ??

You did act in front of me as though nothing happened??? How hurt can i get? You made me broke into tears you knowww ????

Im gonna wait and let's see how long you're gonna keep things from me... I always tell people to tell the things they are suppose to tell me before i find out about it myself... Just what do you think i am ? A DOLL???!!!

Why did you ever have to keep it from mee ??
Now what do you ever expect me to do ? Just shut up and watch and let you be???

When we started out, we were just mere acquaintance... You entered the MTL room and asked if i was there for detention... Then slowly... we became close and best buddies. Then one day your bestie entered our friendship... We three became buddies. Slowly another entered. Now we all are close. What gave you the reason to keep it from me ?

You think it might keep things better ?? It hurts me alot okayyyy! i swear!

i went through alot just for you guys sia.. Im really hurt sia.... I leave it to you guys ah. If you guys think that you need to tell me, then go ahead lahh. But if not, then nevermind lahh. i leave it up to you guys ahh...

IM NOT A DOLL AH! stop it lahh! im too kind isit ? i trust you all too much isit ? haizz.... you all uh ... seriously ahh. im dumb founded and i dunnoe how to express this feeling of hurt siaa.... up to you guys ahh...

Till here..

interesting or what ?

2007-12-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

Recently work has been really hectic. Its been the thing that keeps me REALLY occupied these days. My dreams were shattered when i talked to my big boss. Though he gave me a higher hope and stuffs, it still somehows worries me if i can do it up to their expectations. Hmmm. Let's hope not...

I have been really busy and they have been busy. And due to all these, i haven't met up with them for a looooong time. and damn i guarentee you that i miss them like fcuk lah cann ? I mean it lah siakk!

Its been like ages since i met RK. Been ages since i met KC. Been ages since i met YK. arghhhhh! Seriously sakk. I really really miss them lahh!

i miss my beloved monkeys lar hey! miss them soooo much!

haizz. walao! i wanna meet them badlu lahhh. i need them to get going lar hey! can i cry ?

i suddenly miss mymah and edlin! plus plus to top it up with i miss HUDA!
and and elfa and meera and waniz and kak eira and u noe !!! all of themm!

i miss the times where all of us were present and we used to slack and stuffs. i miss you guys so much now. i miss those times when i always used meet up with them. Its like sooo different now. I treasure them too much lahh. If i never msg them, they would never message me siaaa! :(

what do you guys take me forr ? a nobody or what ?
haiz. all in all, I MISS ALL OF U!

i am about to rbreak down...

2007-12-13T00:05:00.000+08:00

Its been sometime since i updated huh ? Computer has been giving me problems..

Let me update you with the happenings. So far, everything has been okayy. Still the same. Just some complications that happening between the monkeys.

YK, broke his promise and took a stick today. In front of RK and didn't bother listening to him. He did sort of explain to me his situation but i still find it hard to understand though. I am actually trying to be very patient and understanding. I am actually really angry, sad and dissapointed. But what to do ? I got to control. I might break down anytime soon!

RK, has been always fine and a changed person. Saltuations and hats off to him sia. He really helped me alot also! I must really thank him with a lot! We're now a team to settle people's walking path. He is a trainee counseller under me now. A great one in fact!

KC hasn't been listening to me at all! He simply doesn't want to try to stop! He's really testing my patience. I shall be really patient and keep trying instead of losing hope!

Monkeys have been really nice towards me. Sweet lahh! Of course it is! :)

Work isn't as good as it seems. Let's try to see what happens. Haiz.

That's all for now luhh.

PS: Next week is the day i get to know whether i can still survive through or not. pray for me lah can ?

If i fall through these days, will u guys be there to hold on ?

random post;

2007-12-04T13:25:00.000+08:00

Other random pics

June 07

July 07

August 07

September 07

October 07

November 07

Since 2007 is coming to an end in less than 30 days. i've decided to post up some of the pictures that i took.

Things are slowly getting better now. Good to hear it right ?

I just hope our brothership will last for eternity.

Your laughters, smiles and presence are the only fuel i need to pressure out the full inner potential of me. :)

I LOVE MY BELOVED MONKEYS MORE THAN EVER!

pssst! i miss yk like hell lah! i cant wait till he comes back siaa. So long never see him already.

i miss monkeys;

2007-12-02T16:36:00.000+08:00

One of the reasons i am back home damn early is because i really miss all of them. I got totally no mood to hang out and slack with anyone else except anyone of them. I really miss them like fcuk!

It's been like 3 days since i've met 2 of them. & its not just 3 days ONLY. Its 3 days you know. 3 days is 72 hours. 4320 minutes. 259200 seconds. Trust me that's ALOT okay! Thank god i met KC 2 days ago at least! BUT BUT, i still miss him luhh!

Its like been 7 boxes in total and still counting. Just because im so stressed missing them. Haiz.

I guess im less worried for RK already. He sounded so much better yesterday. This is the conversation we had.

yasin: how are you feeling ?
RK: fine lorh.
yasin: fine means what ?
RK: fine means okay loh.
yasin: okay means what ?
RK: live-able.
yasin: ohhh. so very okay means ?
RK: living happily.
yasn: ohhh. extremely okay means ?
RK: damn happy.
yasin: hahahahaha.

then we suddenly got silent. Then ....

yasin: eh rk, tok leh.
RK: nothing to talk.
yasin: just talk larh. nvm.
RK: tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok.
yasin: stop it sial.
RK: hahahahaha.

That laughter really went a looooong way. He was darn happy. It sounded that way though! I was rather happy he was laughing untill like that. Then again...

yasin: eh rk, tok lehh. why you suddenly so quiet ?
RK: tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok. STOP IT SIAL!
yasin: hahahahahahahaha.

Best part is, he made me laugh alsooooo . he just loves the way i say stop it sial. and he keeps using it. and it makes me laughs somehow. and his voice sounds full of smiles. It's really nice to hear him laugh lah!

I owe him a real sincere tight hug! I will give him that tomorrow i hope. IF I MIT HIM THAT IS. Remember he's grounded ? So he's going to school to buy books. So im just tagging along. I wanna see his smile! I don't care. blueks!

I still remember him calling me barney sounding like a small kid. sweet righttt ?

and he also said this: I.... LOVE.... YOU.

There were stammers in between these words. Damn sweet luhh! haha.

Enough about him. As for YK! I miss him like god knows how much. Didn't hear his voice and his non stop stupid lame jokes which i still laugh for. awwww. I remember when rk and me were talking about something then he suddenly went like : SHIT! eh rk, i lose already leh!

What the hell right ? I still laugh about it till now. I remember that night after their badminton training, yk burnt his shorts with the ash accidently. JOKER sia. He's now in hong kong and i bet he's enjoying himself. Shit man! If only he was here with us and we'd be laughing with him.

As for KC! he darn sweet and pampered larh! i remember the other day....

KC: you only love them larh. dont wan't me.
yasin: walao. i never say sia.
KC: hahahaha. Jkjk.

So farny righhhtt ? awwww. I miss him also. He's at hougang now. Oh crap! i wanna mit him darn badly larhh. Its like since the rest cant make it, at least i have him to accompany me with his non stop funny stupid jokes. & he keeps laughing at me just because he likes to disturb me. walao! hurhur!

oh god! so many sweet and happy moments.

I MISS YOU GUYS LIKE HELL LUHH!

&&

I LOVE YOU GUYS MORE THAN EVER!

seriously lar sehh !

and now im addicted to the phrase STOP IT SIALL! thanks to RK!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i wanna kol them later!

so, tilll here i shall end this super long post!
BYE!

updates.

2007-12-01T19:28:00.000+08:00

The updates have been missing in the recent days. Many things have been happening and therefore, have been rather busy. Yk, is now at hong kong enjoying himself. Oh well, i wont be seeing him for the next one week.

Kegan staying at hougang for today. So i might get to meet him tomorrow. Rk, got grounded. Can't go out and his handphone got confisicated. Oh well, they got caught for ______ again! Oh god! Because of this, they admitted themselves to their parents. Yk's one is half over. His mum is helping him with the process. As for rk, not going too well. He still sounds a bit sad. I hope he'd sound better. I tottally have no mood to go out and enjoy cos if they're not happy then i shall not be enjoying too! They're brave people who admitted to their parents themselves. Im really happy that they have realised their mistakes. I hope whatever i told them would really be abided by them. They're really nice people i swear. I dont want this to last forever. Its painful to hear his cries. He controls it every now and then. I really pray hard that things would get better.

To my beloved monkeys:

hey there guys. I know things have been kinda harsh this dew days. Bare with it guys, sooner or later we'd all be outta this situation. Lets keep the bond strong! :)

WE'D MAKE IT THROUGH THIS.!

All of us will finally soar out and show the world our true potential.

Im feeling rather guilty for not telling ______. But i hope shed not knoe about this.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO DEEYANA!

and and... i guess thats all! BYE!

parents!

2007-11-26T13:51:00.000+08:00

Have you guys ever thought of leaving your parents when your parents restrict you guys from doing something ?

Well, my friend just koled me crying because his parents were forcing him to cancel all plans and follow her to malaysia. On the phone, he was crying badly and was sorta releasing his anger. He was saying " Sometimes i wished i did not have a mum like this."

I told him it was not right to say all this. If you were to think about it. In a way or other, your mum didn't want things to be this way also. They did not ask for things like this to happen. They did not ask for their kids to say all this. All they asked for was a good proper kid. That was all. Why will things like this be a wish for them. Ain't i right ?

I know sometimes when you feel that ego level is right up there, and you can't be bothered to tone it down, you'd shoot whatever you want to people. However, at times this IS the situation that gets you into small troubles that you may have not realised.

I can't do anything except listening to his cries and comforting him to make him feel better. Now, i cancelled all plans and am heading back to work. I really hope nothing else might rake up though im still kinda worried. Am i just too tensed up ?

I realy guess that i worry too much. That's because i hold a responsibility that i will never want to lose. I love them! & i'd never deny that factual reality. Even if i were to deny it, everyone knows that im just doing it to fake it or smth ?

Whatever that happens now or later, it still means everything to me. As long as i am breathing, id do as much as i can to make them feel loved. Guess that's what i can hope for. I'd make them feel loved so much that they'd never forget me. That's me!

It's sad. So sad. A sad situation that i am getting more and more worried in return. As i listen to songs that soothe my heart, i feel a burning sensation in my heart. Regretting the fact that i didn't do anything to alot of people who needed my help. All i did was to just listen to their cries and comfort them. Though its the firthest i could go in certain situations, how about other ?

Make sense doesn't it ? Haiz. What painful thoughts... I pray hard for everyone to be happy always!

Till here!

what a dissapointment;

2007-11-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

the best things in life, they are free.
and what ARE the best tings in life ?
well to me, it is love and god.
the hugs i get. and the soul i live.
we don't buy them.
It is awarded with every situation...

The thing about me is, i easily get dissapointed with the people i love. I got a news that someone owes people a HUGE amount of money due to gambling. It is a pure heartache! I got real dissapointed and coudln't stop thinking... Oh god, please don't let this happen again ?

Deep inside my tears i drown. Thinking about what might happen. I still strong and i don't care. I won't let anyone down!

Can we bring thursday back around. Its over and i guess im still not down with it. "Till denial doesn't stop getting believed in, no truthful factual come around." This phrase best suits me now.

Till here!

:)

2007-11-23T10:22:00.000+08:00

if you wanna cry, cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes,I show you what will love can do

Close to me you're like my mother
Close to me you're like my father
Close to me you're like my sister
Close to me you're like my brother

You are the only one,
You're my everything
And for you this song I sing

All my lifeI prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I
That I finally found you

All my life
I prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you
Feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me too

These words that crept into my heart. I'd never forget the touching scenery and these words that crept deep down into my heart and got carved.

I must thank RK&YK for those words that really meant alot to me. For those weird looks that were trying to tell something to me. For those hits because they were affected with the news i broke to them. I am really touched. It was kinda obvious that they were holding back their tears. It really got me shocked and rather touched.

I was holding back my tears too. I got really really touched. Much gratitude to them. HATS OFF TO THEM!

It was a successful outing in the end. Though there were a million complications, i was rather happy that it all turned out very well... I thank god and ms vans and RK&Yk for making yesterday such a meaningful day. It will never leave my mind.

We headed to BPP first for the treat. Then it turned out to be the other way round. She ended up treating us. Then we had talks and all. We also bought her some cards and all. Oh well, what a teacher to salute.

There after followed yk home then he got some stuffs. Then we headed to penin. Took bus to bugis then took MRT to city hall and got lost in the streets. When penin was just beside there. OH CRAP!

Then got my SKINNY! yay-ness! weeeeee! Then i had even moreee fun at IRC. Cos they were playing CS and i was enjoying the ambience and sound effects and laughters and all. Then we had dinner. Then to esplanade. At esplanade, we hanged out by the river i guess. Then, sit there and shared alot of things. COOL!

Thats the end of the plan. And we headed home after that. Inside the train we were laughing our ass off non stop. What funnny moments.

I guess i shall end here for now.

TO RK&YK:

thanks so much for everything. You guys really touched my heart like no other. I must really thank you guys for making all those moments yesterday a memorable one. Especially at esplanade. I really enjoyed myself alot. Thanks so much. hats off to you guys.

&& I LOVE YOU GUYS MORE THAN EVER !

all my life.

2007-11-23T10:00:00.000+08:00

Close to me you're like my mother

Close to me you're like my father

Close to me you're like my sister

Close to me you're like my brother

You are the only one,You're my everything

And for you this song I sing

All my lifeI prayed for someone like you

And I thank God that I

That I finally found you

All my lifeI prayed for someone like you

And I hope that you

Feel the same way too

Yes, I pray that you do love me too

if you wanna cry, cry on my shoulder

If you need someone who cares for you

If you feeling sad your heart gets colder

Yes,I show you what will love can do

These were the words that crept in deep into my heart and got carved. I will never forget these words and the scenery of place of which this happened. I could feel the light breeze brushing against my skin and the light splashing sounds of water. The beautiful glowing moon and the night sky. With the city lights shining bright.

I somehow regretted letting them to know about my darkest secret, but i felt that there's a need. It's because they are in my blood and they are a very important part of my life. They are my loved ones. I got to make sure that i got to take good care of them, till the end of my breath.

The sweetest part of all was when their faces all changed and got sulky. They were rather shocked and on the verge to cry. Those tears i was controlling, it got uncontrollable when i was alone at home staring at the four walls. I cried in pain thinking of how it'd be if i were to leave them.

RK&YK are,were,and will always be in my heart soul and mind. Now, only a few people will have the rights to know about this. I have yet to tell them.

am i suppose to be excited.

2007-11-22T09:51:00.000+08:00

hey there! I just woke up from my slumber-ness! For god knows what reasons am i sitting in front of my computer. On top of that even blogging.

Later im going out with RK to mit ms vans! and also to get my SKINNY! i don't care. im buying. Some complications occured yesterday because of today's outing. But thanks to RK who is really sincere, he sacrifised and concluded that he would do alotta things to make the outing for ms vans possible!

Oh well, i find that kinda suweeet though!

Now, im in the i-so-gotta-dance-if-not-my-head-will-meletup(explode) kinda mood! Im really into dancing. but got Ns next year and all. Im still thinking twice about it. I hope i can toggle. With god's will.

Well, someone sent me a malay song. and it has really very nice lyrics. and i know this person is trying to tell me something. i sooo know. im so sure.. and best part would be that, he acted like nothing happened and just sent me the song as if its a random kinda thing. oh well, i might just leave this as a pending issue ? hurhur.

aites then. till here. BYE!

am i changing ?

2007-11-18T22:57:00.000+08:00

i was blog hopping minutes ago. i went to so many blogs and analysed so many different personality. how interesting.

This morning i saw ms vans and ms ratna at macd. That is really early in the morning. Im serious. Best part was, when i talked to her about the camp. So cool... When ms vans was talking to me about camp, i kinda missed camping sooo much. It was part of NCC and i realised all in all, it was always fun though there were scolding and everything.

Oh well, maybe its just fated that im not supposed to be in NCC till the end i guess.

Know what ?

I thought about the times when i was in school. Inside the MTL room studying soo hard till my head was tearing apart. Im asking myself if it worked. Because if it did, that is what im gonna do for my Ns next year. Of course, i got loads of motivation thanks to the people around me. I swear i would never stop thanking these people. I really gotta thank them.

Ms Vans and RK. seriously. They made that atmosphere so great that it felt as though i was gonna really make it. That was seriously my sense of motivation. Thanks so much. Im here thanks to you guys. seriously. Oh how great is god to have people who are sooo great around me...

Okayy. Enough of this crap. people are gonna think that im crazy.

You know what. Im thinking of getting skinny tmr. At peninsula. And cardigens. And shoes. And god knows what. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I just can't wait to get these with me! In order for this to happen i must have money. I hope my salary gets into the bank account after 12 midnight tonight. Pleaseee? and of course, im going with MONKEYS! I called RK and we're still confirming the plan.

For now, till here. UPDATES SOOON! NIGHTS!

confused ?

2007-11-17T21:34:00.000+08:00

hey there people. I can simply put it down to you that i am darn tired. That fact isn't a point to deny. i actually have alot to say. alot to post.

On thursday, i gave a call to someone. I asked him alotta questions and was talking casually. I called him because i was actually kinda down and sick. So, i wanted to make myself feel better. So after alot of question. The phone suddenly got cut off and for no reason, i don't know why i couldn't contact him. weird isn't it ?

Oh anw, this is how the last question went.

Yasin: what's your new year resolution ?
friend: dunnoe lehh. haven't thought of it yet.
Yasin: so im asking you now.
friend: of course study harder than this year lor.
Yasin: and ?
friend: dowan any case already lohh.
yasin: And ?
friend: spend more time with yasin.
yasin: hahaha. okayyy. and ?
friend: errrr.... and yasin will always be my benevolent brother!
yasin: hahaha. ooohh. so you're trying to be sweet uh ?
friend: nooo. reallly!
yasin: hahaha. okayyy.
then line got cut off! damnit!

thing is, i didn't expect it after a long time. but i was rather shocked. i am sooo gonna tell ms vans about this. and let her know, WE ARE NOT SITUATIONAL FRIENDS!

Situation is already over and im still as close as i was before! weeeeeee! hurhur.

Well, whatever it is, i still miss them lahhh. cann ??

OK!

Next is, WORK!

Take a peek into macdonalds working life. If you think macdonalds doesn't have politics then you're wrong. In my entire store, so many people hate me. It's really scary because i don't see a reason why they should in fact.

Theres this day crew leader, and she has been working in macd for like 6 years now ? and she's really good. Thing is, i never said she was bad. I never said she couldn't work but she did say to others about me. gosh rightt ?

There's this star who obviously have no other reason but just hates me for the fun of it i guess ?

and a whole lot of other AUNTIES who gossips without no reason. oh crap!

I find it dumb lar hey! If only they knew how i am working. If they could work like me, then id shut up. Look at who's sacrifising sooo much and working like hell to make the store shine! Im doing all i can for the store but do they see it ? Imagine this ? RK even got angry because i keep working. Then, what's the whole problem here? I don't get it ? If theres anything, talk to me.

Thinking about it, earlier on i scolded one of a aunty like really loudly. I shouted at her. And i realised it isn't tat nice. I felt that i should apologise. Thinking about it though, if i spologise, next time she won't be scared to do it again. So, i felt there wasnt a need.

All in all, i am actually not feeling too good. In my heart something tells me that i need to meet my monkeys soon enough. I hope i can get through them! =((.

yasin will always be my benevolent brother! A phrase i will never forget...

someone's bound to hear my cry.

2007-11-15T21:48:00.000+08:00

My plans today were all haywire. Instead of meeting up with yasmin and shafa i ended meeting kymah, edlin, muhammad and pit!

Well, fun i must say. After so long notmeeting them, it became such a cool experience sitting with them to laugh my ass off. Oh well, what great moments.

Okay this is random!

I suddenly have this thoughts crossing my minds. So i might as well jot it down here.

Maybe when i trust them so much, one day they'd just play me out. What if ?
What i meant is, what if they're just using me as a source of happiness and entertainment... ?

ok wait. let's stop this. I don't think its right to say tis.

Now, i do think i miss my two gundu-fied monkey. grrrrr.... hmmmf! i hope to mit up with them soon.

When i came back home earlier on, my sister was watching titanic. It's like been the upteenth time their showing that on the TV and people still watch it and never get sick of it. The story line is just so good that it doesn't fail to capture my attention. cool man.

Im done bloggin. Dun feel too good. Sick i guess. Out for now. BYE!

mixed emotions;

2007-11-13T00:13:00.000+08:00

I suppose i shouldn't bring handphones to parties anymore. Today was hectic at work. I forgot to collect the party charges from the customer and came to macd. I came and got very stressed up and got others to clear up the mess that i made. And suddenly i started crying at the carpark. It all started when i read the message someone sent me.

It is true. Family matters are to be kept amongst themselves. However true this may get, i still am worried about you and will never stop worrying. I know you're not okay. I want you to share so that i can lend you my shoulder. I want to help because i don't want you to be back at square one where we one started off. I thought all these was over already. Its painful. Imagine strolling these tears just because im so stressed up cracking my brains what would have happened.

I'm pulling myself together so that i can keep going. Seriously, im trying to recover. I am not going to force you, but still i'd be sure to try to ask you once more. And let you decide. Oh well, can somebody go and tell _____ that i care and that im like worried for ______?

Yesterday things happened and i got over it thanks to the call. I talked things out. But now i am not angry but really very worried. I had problems working. I had problems thinking. All because i was brooding over that same message that brought me down.

It did happen when we first met and now we're getting back there again. My mind is gone and i'm definitely spinning. Im trying to be a person you've never known before. Someone who cares. But i guess im being too possesive that i am too worried for you and too concern for you. I cry too much for people that i forget about myself.

Is this a problem i face ? Or is this a good deed. I'm trying. I swear i'm trying to be strong. I think many know that i easily get affected with whatever that happens. Perhaps i should thank god that whatever happens, he still bring us together no matter what. All these past and present happenings that make me go crazy.

My body is aching. My mind is tired. My eye is hurting and my heart is breaking. No matter how heavy your burden might be, i assure my care and concern for you. Please know that.

No matter what, i still gotta tell myself that things aren't always on my side. Let's just hope he confides into me sometime soon.

Psst! If you are reading this and you know it's you please come and tell me what you're suppose to tell. And if anybody else is reading this and you know who im referring to, please go and tell him/her whatever i wrote here. And ask him/her to approach me and tell me whatever he/she is suppose to tell me. Please?

does it hurts?

2007-11-11T21:31:00.000+08:00

Just as i thought i could lift myself up by meeting people and slacking with them, things got worst.

However angry or mad i was, i am sure i wouldn't have done that. Unfortunately loved one had to do it in front of me like i was invincible.

How else do you think i should react if your loved ones are sitting all around you. One of them starts giving a return stare to a person who have been staring at them all the while. It was very hurting for me to watch. Besides having problems at home and work, they are out to give me more. I was worried enough when one of them told me that he was out of home for a night because something happened. I thought i could ask him today but in fact all of them as a while made me really disappointed.

All this while i have been talking to them and telling them what's right and wrong. I guess my words fell on deaf ears. The one i thought was the mature one just let me down. The one i thought who has learnt his lesson just let me down. The one i thought was not bothered with thsese stuffs let me down. Maybe i shan't blame the one who always go with the flow but the two who really let me down.

If you apologise and tell me that you would not do it again, then you must be sincere. What's the point of letting it go by the wind when you say it. What's the point of saying it when you don't mean it.

I witnessed it personally. They did not even bother to listen to me and in fact continued to make the issue bigger when i approached. How else do you expect me to react. Right now, im in mixed emotions. Why else would i be bothered to spend hours to both of you if i don't care and can't be bothered ? Why else would i try to advice and waste my time trying to make you guys understand. I dedicated care, time and everything else just to make sure you guys could understand.

I thought you guys have changed but now i have doubts about it. Is it that i am being too possesive or are they being too self centred ?

Even if you don't like people to look at you like that, then you shouldn't return the stare as it fumes people up too. Instead just ignore it and let it be. You'll realise that it's just a small matter. You guys contradict to whatever you guys sayy.

Just answer me. What else do you guys want to look out for ? How else do you guys want your loved ones to suffer ? In what way are you guys gonna hurt your loved ones once again? I've never lost hope and i never will unless you make me out to.

I was really disappointed. As i fight through this thunderstorm of problems, you guys drop another. It's painful. Its really painful. I saw it in front of my eyes. I thought i told you guys upteen times about this. Did you guys ever appreaciate me and listen to me all this while?

Howeve mature i thought you guys were. However loads i thought you guys have changed. It all seems to be just a illusion. Im really dissapointed. Now, do you guys really mean it when you guys told me that you won't do it again ? I seriously didn't see this coming and i never will. I still think that you guys are just using me for your happiness instead of my sincere friendship. How hurting...

Well, whatever it is, this is the kind of situation i cry to when i reflect. This tottaly upsets me.

outing with rajie;

2007-11-08T21:49:00.000+08:00

Today was a public holiday. Bad day at work. I realised im getting sick of work already. I won't hesitate to resign soon. Anyway, next year is N levels. So probably after the N levels i'd go and look for other proper jobs which i'm still considering to take up soon enough.

After work, met up with rajie for an unplanned outing! We went to city hall to hang around at esplanade and the war memorial park. If i got that right.

It was rather fun as we put our photography skills to test. We snapped non-stop pictures of nature. Flowers, trees and plants. The environment basically.

Heading to esplanade, we saw this 'waterfall' look alike. Something got to do with jesus and stuff. It was eye attracting though!

To esplanade and she was amazed with the ambience and surroundings. She loved it in fact! How last minute can things get huh ??

Then right after that, went back to macd to get something... Hanged around there for a while. Im back home now.

As usual, next up would be reflective distressing.

I feel so useless for not being to help. I feel so dumb for being too busy and having no time for someone to confide in to me. Oh well, i wanna dedicate Cry on my shoulder by DSDS to people!

pit,RK,YK,siq,kak ana and definitely not forgetting my shahrul...

Read the lyrics. It means alot. Oh well, i guess that's all for now. Im really trying to find out who has USB cable for me to transfer my pictures to the computer! FCUK!

loads have been happening.

2007-11-06T21:20:00.000+08:00

Alot have been happening recently. Oh well, i do have to accept the fact that i'm learning a lot in this situation.

im worried. still worried. because i have two case on pending! and one more says that he's okay. but i dunnoe if he is!

oh well... still...

NUR HUDA BTE OTHMAN!

im still waiting for you to update me okayy! im fcking worried here! HELLO!?

andd....

MUHAMMAD SIQDATUL FIRDAUS BIN GIMIN!

thank you sooooo much! and you touched my heart!
you're my bestie and all mine!

I SAID BESTIE AH EHK!

RK AND YK!
im sorry for whatever you guys knoww!

emotions;

2007-11-04T23:52:00.000+08:00

have you ever thought on how you wanna thank someone for making you happy. You always tend to thank someone who had been there for you and everything. But if someone made your day by making you happy, no one had ever thought of thanking them.

I do admit that i am very posessive. Each time after work when i open up my handphone, i would expect my loved ones to message me or leave me a missed call. Today i had recieved a missed call from one of my loved one. I was really happy. I realised i didn't thank him for that.

As we go through life, alot of things we learn are all just wasted because we don't use it.
I was talking to my friend about this and he suddenly changed topic and talked to me about how he felt watching his friend getting hand carved in front of him.

I was in thoughts about it as well. I still remember that time pacing around in my room praying nothing would happen to my two gundu-fied monkeys. I was crying thinking how would i manage that situation. I was crying with mixed emotions.

As i was imagining how it would be if i had to watch any of my loved ones being hand carved in front of me, i did not realise the tears that were strolling down my cheeks. Oh well, whatever happens, i definitely should keep in mind to always thank god for all my loved ones.

NOW, i miss my two gundu-fied monkeys plus one blur sotong. and also MUMMY! and plus plus that cute little pie!
Im out for now! tc pple!

tears;

2007-10-29T21:47:00.000+08:00

i have alot of things in my head right now. If only i could find a way to get out of this mess im in. Everyone tells me that home is heaven. If only i see it come true...

Someway or other, i still feel so dejected being in this situation.

To start of with is my studies.

When i was in NT, nobody bothered to praise me whenver i did well for exams... It was always said, since you can do this try to do better. Get full marks. Top your school, yada yada...

Then i aimed to top my class.. I did'nt make it though.i got second though its by 0.2 marks difference. Still, i was offered to go to NA. I took up the chance. It was a tough war and i thought i couldnt make it to sec 3, but i did. Still i did nothing but to slack the whole year.

I let everyone down. My teachers, parents, friends and everyone else. Im just a pure disappointment. The last two weeks before eoy i did study and slog it all out. But i still didnt do well... Everyone was so disappointed. Even Ms vans and ms ratna. How guilty do you think i am ? My parents rub it in by saying they're not satisfied with it and all. How else do you think i will feel ?

Besides this... When anything at home goes missing, i get blamed and end up being nagged at. Isn't this called being a doll. I feel so lost and dumb for not voicing out because i once did it and will always be looked upon if anyting like this happens. I really feel its like im letting people use me and just let things be...

What else besides work... I give my all and sacrifise alot just to get what i've wanting all this while... Yet, they dont see what sacrifises i give instead pic out all my bad points... Isnt things so political ?

Haiz... I still think im just a pure disappointment to alot of people... I thank god though for giving me people like RK, Yk, abg, pit, kak eira, kak ana, shahrul, lo'loo and everyone else who loves me!

I still think i need to apologise for being such a diappointment in studies. Im sorry for shutting up and just accepting whatever blames that is thrown at me.

Still SO WHAT IF YOU THINK I STOLE THIS AND THAT. SO WHAT IF I DID TERRIBLY FOR MY EXMAS! SO WHAT ?

After all i've always been a disappointment what ?

FUCK! i hate tis!

reflections

2007-10-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

I reflect upon what has happened. I realise alot of things RK said really is sweet!

He said smth like " tmr i wanna see my classmates and give them a hug ah."

how suweet? dont you think so ??

YK told me" although you see me like i never listen, i am actually listening to what you said and will think about it. "

appreaciative rytt ?

Aren't this motivations ??

But i still cant stand the part when my bestie msged me saying i prioritise ____ only. It really hurts when i was expecting her to understand me the best! Somehow, i guess its going back to scratch and square 1. I just hope as time goes by she'd understand my situation.

I actually got to send infinite lorries of appreaciation to ms vans who helped me throughout. Yes! My results are a dissapointment to alot of people! True enough! But what matters is i tried right ??

Next year would be N levels. Besides slogging my ass out, nothing else would stop me.! Trust me! I wanna give my best!

im missing rk, yk, ______,kak liah, ________ and _______.

FUN!

2007-10-26T13:41:00.000+08:00

it was fun, fun and more fun the past two days. I was rather down because of something!
But meeting my two gundu-fied loves! made my day! YAY-ness!

A great big thank you to :

RICHIE KOH ZHONG YONG!!!!!

AND

TOR YONG KENG!!!!

okayy! they tottaly made my day lar! i had so much fun laughing at them when they were playing frisbee. fcuk! hurhur!

and sitting with them and laughing my ass off has became a hobby to me! omg! trust me!
theyre the awesomest things on earth lar sehhh! (i guess!)

Oh well... think about it... i was sooo freaking happy till when i got to work i kept smiling even though some people made me soooooo fucked up! wth rrright ?

cool2! im so happy! yay-ness!

and people!

I LOVE THESE TWO GUNDU-FIED MONKEYS LAR SEH!

2007-10-21T00:20:00.000+08:00

oh btw people!

Monkey in my dictionary isnt a bad thing.
i call people monkey for fun.

and gundu-fied means cute! i also use it for fun. and its not bad!
=))

so, dont get offended by that yea ?

2007-10-21T00:13:00.000+08:00

don't tell you can get through the days because i know yuo're not okay!

im letting you know that i care and worried because i know you well enough!

Seriously speaking, you just can't let me be because im not gonna just watch, i will definitely take action and DO something about it!

And anybody knoes that, especially huda! Yes, i was happy with your response. But still, i want you to open up like before, so that i can help you. You get what i mean?

Think about it!

are u okayy ?

2007-10-19T21:25:00.000+08:00

heres the question: i can never imagine how you feel now but i'm sure i feel worse because i aint there with you. So, can you imagine how i feel ?

Seriously, yesterday i had a hard time sleeping thanks to worrying for RK and what happens and all. I am seriously worried about what CAN happen and what HAS happened and what IS happening. Fact is, im still not okayyy. Am i just telling myself im okayy ?

Yah. Ms vans is right. Im just spending 24hrs emo-ing at my blog. True. You know why ? Nobody or nothings gives me a reason to be jumping in joy or whatsoever.

Its sad to have someone who is in your heart to be having a lot of problems and acting like nothing happened and is alright. I know he's not okayy. I know. He's acting to be okayy. What do i have to do to make him feel better ? Instead, would i be making things worste or just breakdown hearing the news.

Let me state this clearly here. I would never ever stand to see someone close to me being handcarved and walk away in front of me. Id cry even more knowing that id be losing that person till god knows when. Yes, whatever it is people have to face consequences but so what? I still can never and will never stand to see it.

Am i not a good friend ? Am i just a reflection of a doll ? My days were never so bright till he stepped inside my life. I never got blue because of anything because you were there. Besides being blue about HIS problems. Yes, other people have been there. Though, there is always a point of time when you feel so good when someone you never even know as a acquintance suddenly became a part of your life ?

I always told myself that i will be okay if i knew that he is drifting apart from me. Fact is i will not and am not. I can't stand this treatment already. I don't know why!

God knows how im gonna be handling this situation knowing the fact that IM NOT OKAYYY!

Why am i still here? I should've moved on a long time ago but i still havent!
Im worrying for another person too. He's facing the same things. Im really not okayy! I mean im really not okayy. What if all these didnt happen and there was a easier way to communicate with him... haizzz...

Oh god... please help me..

i think im having too much pressure liao. This is really bothering me..

i just wanna see us apart!

2007-10-18T23:05:00.000+08:00

I just wanna say this straight from my heart! IMY! Im fraking happy and high that you bothered calling my name from afar just to talk over a small matter. It feels good that you still remember me. It feels great that you're still talking to me! I am happy. Really, seriously! I SWEAR! Though i still miss you cos i can't seem to spend time together as it was! Lets hope our plan for a outing works out!

Some im damn worried for YK and RK! Really worried. Dont know what happened and wats happening. I am totally not aware of the situation and it is what i hate. Oh well, i just hope things are going fine.

OI! YK&RK ily lar seh!

Todae had attachment at ck62. Run MDS. Trained aaron and nurul and siti and ariff. OKAY UH! Hope to see them rise and do a better job in future. Yupp2. =))

Im working at night next week. Boleh lah tahan. But sorta permenant. We'll see how uh. Oh well, lets see what happens!

OI HUDA!
dgr dgr aku tkyah worried psl kao pe!
takkaire of urself and get enough rest. Sleep early..
U everytime duwan rest then how ?
alamak!
before u PUM my face i PUM yours first.
MONKEY!
IMY!

i know its not too late.

2007-10-16T20:11:00.000+08:00

Being here without you is rather a torture for me.
I don't know what's wrong.
I just can't go on.
It feels like you're setting me free.

I carved your initials on my hand.
It heals away.
The pain i feel, is just for you to come back friend.
Moving on isn't a solution in my view,
but looking at things, you're making things blue.

The moment i sit on the bench, to listen to the birds chip,
i smell no scent from the flowers and instead i see souls witter.
This is signs of solitution that ultimately asks you to return to my life.

imy. i swear! come back will you ?

whats this feeling ?

2007-10-16T12:27:00.000+08:00

okay! This is random but i sometimes realise that if you're too good at something, people tend to ignore whatever you're good at and find for your flaws!

In this world we are living in now, we must learn to be thick skinned and be sorta self centred. Helping others too much may lead to a great loss! Though its a good thing to help others but not in the working environment. Maybe helping friends out may be a blessful good deed but in a working environment, helping others is a big NO, NO. Yet again, this is in my perspective and its not meant to offend anyone out there.

I am someone who easily prioritize others before me and that became a very strong factor for people to take advantage of situations and make use of me to get something that they want. It happens more in the working environment compared to the school and friendship or even relationship atmosphere. I do reflect on things sometimes and i realise i am stupid and i want to make changes to my lifestlye by being more self centred and what is and what nots. What i do realise is that, all these changes i wanna try to execute is absolutely not working out in the end. I realise i still end up helping others and be an angel i always am.

Though these sacrifises i made, i do have people talking about me. They go talking about saying i am not working properly, i am proud and this and that. Sometimes i find it true yet hurting but yet again, why don't they try to understand me and my perspective.... ?

I sorta gave up and told myself that i need to do something. I have taken some action and lets see what happens. Let's put that on hold anyway!

Besides, how can i forget to blog about the oh-so-heartaching moments. Things seem to be getting better yet worste. I don't know if i am over exaggarating things or is things naturally like this. I don't know if i did something wrong, that's why he wants to walk away or is it because he feels guilty. Maybe it's just because this is him. Maybe he has his own lifestyle and i have mine. Is that just it ? Somehow this is what i call the 'cold shoulder' treatment. I have never been able to stand this and will never be able to.

It's tortorous for someone who has naturally grown into you and then suddenly walk away. I can't stand this. Especially when you intend to settle things and the other party can't be bothered to and denies whatever you ask him. Its rather hurting this way for people who treausre friendships. How can someone move on without no reason or excuses. Facing reality i have to know someday, somewhere if we are meant to be close, we will. But yet at the other end, i think that i should just be close to him till forever! I just feel that i should not lose him and keep him close by my side and make sure he's fine.

Though it cooled me down to know that he is fine and everything is fine so far. Still, i feel so unappreaciated. It just like teachers who feel unappreaciated towards students who complains after much hard work and summarised topics. Its just like that. Its the same feeling i get. It's like as though i wanted this to happen. Out of my goodwill, i helped and gave my all but sometimes its taken advantage of. What else does he want to do ? What else does he want me to say? What else does he want me to sacrifise and give ? Isn't all this enough ? I have no questions to ask anymore because i am dumb founded.

Was it really stupid of me to act out to be this way ? How interesting don't you think so ? It is very disturbing. He always gave me a reason to smile. Now, i have to find excuses to lie to myself just to smile. I find it dumb though! Oh well, whatever! Let's see how things goes and still i haven't stopped missing people! IMY!

Till here, we shall end! Keep the tags rollin, and don't stop anticipating in my blog entries! =))

imissyou.

2007-10-15T12:33:00.000+08:00

I keep telling myself that i am not missing you. But when it comes to reality, i just can't bring myself to say that im not missing you when i am really missing you. When i wake up from my slumberness and grab my hp i start of my dae by looking at my wallpaper that i've never change untill now. Just what's your MOTIVE?

DUHH! Seems like you can't be bothered.

Id leave everyting in your hands....

ILY and IMYSM!

fuckshits!

2007-10-12T21:29:00.000+08:00

I realised something! People don't bother after all. First thing first, raye is here. I don't think its time to be bitching or fighting. I will let things be and lets settle things calmly...

Today it wasn't good at all. In fact, it was very sucky thanks to yesterday and today morning. I hate it when im down. I start to expect a lot of stuffs. Funny isn't it? To be typing this in the eve of raye. IM JUST NOT OKAY! I am not in the mood in celebrating raye!

I was crying just MOMENTS ago. I was seriously crying because i just can't stnad this. ITS NOT EASY TO BE ME! Im trying to be me, but im just not me when it comes to this. I try not to cry but end up crying. I try to smile but end up frowning. fuckshits! I hate this treatment.

How do you expect me to be shutting up and keeping things inside. Everything is inside of me. I am only a guy who is trying to be who he is. Where did all those go to ? WHERE?

I keep telling myself that you'd return. You walked away and said things and that somehow made my day. But you didn't fulfil it. It pains. How else do you want me to react besides crying. FUCK! I hate me.

If you don't know that im suffering in your silent escape then i will let you know that i AM! It hurts! These slits and blood is for you in the eve of raye. FUCKSHITS! I did something wrong or said something wrong isit ?

b i t c h

2007-10-11T22:23:00.000+08:00

OKAYGO YASIN!

Its been so long since i have done this but who cares ? Here i go...

Which part of B I T C H do you readers not understand ?

Well heres one person im gonna address to all of you. This dogg or rather BITCH is just the best example if anybody wants to know. First thing first, which part of bitch does she not understand ?

HERES TO YOU!

Hey there bitch. Thanks for the sacarsm at PIT's blog but someway or rather, you don't realise something, why did you address only some of the factors that pit blogged about ?

Why did you not reply about the part when you don't have friends and you go find friends who actually hates you ??Why did you not have anything to say about that ? I am so sure you're gonna say that you got no time to point out replies to all this small kiddish matter. I thought you like to praise yourself in the mirror ? Look at it properly... You'd realise you're actually VERY mature to handle this childish stuffs. Thats why you're starting to have wrinkles all over that makes you FUCKING mature that is in another term OLD?

What about having pathetic vocabulary ? It isn't as though you have good one right ?I suggest dictionary.com fory our english. It has good vocab at the thesaurus. Wait... Do you know what's thesaurus at the first place ?

Before you start spamming my TAGBOARD also, let me tell people what you're gona tag.
"Yasin, dont be pathetic lar! You werent involved at the first place. At least im much better than you who 24 hours start emoing in front of the computer" right ? Please take note that it is not emo ing but distressing. EMOING IS YOU! Being aneroxic is sooo emoing because you're not contented with who you are. At least pit and kymso are. Being FAT and PLUM is two wayyyyyyyy different terms. Your vocab is good ? Take a look at your own english properly again. This time with a dictionary open.

And what about zul ? Yes he got a great body to show off but he doesn't. He keeps it to himself. That picture was soooo random. And that comment was supposedly for people who WANTED to read it. If it pains your eyes, then why bother reading it ? Is this jealousy or you just have no other point to bring up to argue over ??

Before i continue anything else, if they're really that fat, then look at yourself. You're also about the same size as them what. How does being aneroxic help? Go and do some research on how to be a proper aneroxic patient aites ? You're handling the wrong person in this case.

Whenever you're down you don't cry isit ? You don't cry for guys and whatsoever ? WHO CARES? Even you don't care whether you cry or not, then why bother whether others cry or not ? Wipe your own ass before wiping for others cause yours is dirty enough.

Oh yah. What about zul buying pit a huge sandals ? Zul loves pit and pit loves zul and there is no absolute reason why zul shouldn't buy her NICE sandals and NICE clothes and NICE present wadddd. He is such a freaking nice person. Im sure he is smart enough to know what and how to buy stuffs for pit. RIGHT ZUL????

Have you heard of models being aneroxic ? They becamse famous for becomming aneroxic. Whats there to show after being aneroxic ? NOTHING! Everything flat and boney. KYMSO IS JUST NICE FOR A AVERAGE TEENAGE GIRL. Im sure shes contented with it. RIGHT KYMSO????

Have you heard of slender legs for girls which turns guys on ? Legs that has ENOUGH FATS and ENOUGH BONES! Just nice. That is huda's legs. Im so sure she knows how to use it. RIGHT PITTTT???

Read this properly and cry under your blanket and pillow for all you want. If you're not gonna be also nevermind. The world is round. Im sure there is something called KARMA! I've once dreamt that you got slapped by the people who abhors you and even got spitted right on your face after that. You were HELPLESS! So who knows deja vu will take place ? Its all in god hands. ROT IN HELL! Good luck to you ya? Handle this situation and i am awaiting for your oh-so-good vocab at my tagboard. HIT IT! In order to get them, go through me first.

Next, IMRKSM! That's all. DAMMIT! I hope we would tersempak kat mane mane. Thats it for now aites ? KYMSO,PITT and whoever who soooo LOVE my entry HIT MY TAGBOARD AND FLOOD IT!

imy! takkaire love!

pain;

2007-10-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me, but stil somehow i haven't recovered. I just hope things get better!

I miss RK! I miss RK!
I just want things to be like it was!

its happening all over again.

2007-10-07T19:32:00.000+08:00

This strums of guitar and the melody of the piano, it gets me all sinked into emotions. I get soaked with tears and frowns.

I realise this is al a cycle. Eversince that huge incident happened btwn me and ____, i got a phobia of going through this again. Though i knew how to handle and was immune to it, i still somehow can't handle the situation i am in right now. The only thing that keeps me going is _____ who is holding my pillar for me.

I do agree that _______ has his own lifestyle. I do agree that i can't force things my way. Even so, i still try to convince myself that i am actually not losing him when i know i am not facing reality. Those lyrics of songs that ran through my ears got me thinking on how is it going to be. It got me thinking on how quaking with things get. It got me thinking on how am i going to do my exam without those normal motivational process. That routine was a sense of relaxation to me somehow. It became a passion.

Somehow, im brooding over things that haven't happened. That's because i guess i see it coming. This is just a guess but it gets me worried. It seemed like ages since i haven't got to talk to or see your smile. Yes, this is being posessive but that's me. I listen to songs and keep crying. I blanket myself and think i am going to sleep but i end up not.

Did i indirectly or directly offend him somehow ? Or is it just him ? I actually feel the distance slowly and somehow. Is it avoiding or what ? What is this feeling inside of me. The feeling that haunts me forever with no reason. Well, its more of with no reason I GUESS!

I look at the picture and tell myself, is this really what happened or was it a dream ? Or was that all factual and this is a dream. I feel like a absolute stranger but somehow i can't voice out because it feels stupid and disturbing.

This feeling in me is moderately crazy and of course to a higher proportional level; heartaching!

I lost it. In that snap of emotional moment, i lost it. The control to not get back to my old habits. To not do it again. I lost it! I was stupid. I was in fact but in another view i felt that i just reacted like how i used to. Should i have just bothered my own business and acted like i don't care ? Now i reflect. Truth is, i actually do care but i just don't want a ending like this. Can't figure out how he grew into. Frankly, this is bothering me so much. So much that i was thinking that i am at fault. So much that i got sick and tired of studying with all this in my head. So much that i miss every moment we spent.

This time yet again is me as a victim. I yet again shut upand let things go with the flow. I pray to god so much that tomorrow ______ will wake up and __________________. This process is making me suffer!

Do you ever know how much i care ? Do you know how much i am suffering and going back to my old way ? Do you ever know that you're the one that i confide into indirectly. Through this times, i have never ever thought of what will happen AFTER this. All i thought was you grew into me, you grew into me and you grew into me. Best part is i don't know how. Usually i figure out how but this time i am CLUELESS!

You might think that i am just a regular person where you can look for in town but i am not. I keep saying this and will never change. I am not like people you can find anywhere else. The reason why i kept my mind focus is you! The reason why i started praying is YOU! The reason why i did not buy ciggarettes to smoke is you! All because i care! all because you're TREASURED and LOVED!

Do you know how hard this is? Do you ever bother to know ? For a moment you make me grow into a friendship that is so jovial and a moment later you are so cold towards me. Oh well, i leave into gods hands and yours! Think about it!

is this crazy or what ?

2007-10-07T00:33:00.000+08:00

"Situational friends won't last. After this, what are you going to use ? You guys can't study together anymore... I am saying what's reality... You're mature and thats why im telling you this...."

It is true but still i can't get over this. Seriously, it hurts badly to be put in this situation. Not one person BUT TWO! I just can't let go okay ? I just know that this is crazy but i just cannot okayy ?

I dunoe whats wrong but im going crazy over this. Im getting back my old habits and ways... I know im losing bit by bit as each day goes by but im just not accepting things.

ALL THIS THINGS IM GOING THROUGH IS MAKING ME MAD!

I put in effort and i lose. I dont put in effort i also lose. I care i also end up hurt. Never care also hurt. Is this really not gonna last ?

Why do people grow into me so easily.. If he only knew the pain.... If only things happened with no situation.....

haizz.... if only god just granted him as my forever cute little brother ?

the most benevolent person ????

arhhhhhhhhhhhh! im out!

OIT! IMY lar!
takkaire!

Whats wrong ?

2007-10-03T20:32:00.001+08:00

whats wrong? i don't know whats wrong. is it really what i think ? im feeling down. i dunnoe who to turn to. i dunnoe who to kol. i wanna die. till here.

im sorri RK for today morning! miss you! you okay not ??
takkaire sweetie!

I can do well for GP also okayy?

2007-10-02T21:33:00.002+08:00

Just about 20 minutes ago, my friend asked me a question. Since tmr is english paper, i said t omyself, :why not i write an explanation about it?" I am PURPOSELY posting this so that some people would read it and tell me that they understand the meaning of friends... And to tell my bestie that he falls in my category....

Here is the question she asked: Tell me about friendship can ? i don't knoe what's wrong with mine!

here is your reply friend!

Alot of time we always say, " Friends come and go but true friends will never leave you and would have a foot print in your heart" What great saying we should reflect about don't you think so ?

You may use physics to interprate friendship or even maths. Even so, the bottomline remains the same that friends are actually a really important part of your lifestyle. You will realise that
solitude is a garden where the flowers have no scent; and the spirit withers. Nothing happens in solitution. It is just what all of us say. We say that we can do without friends and that we are not afraid of death. After all this is just whatever we say in snap of anger. Is this really true ?

How true can things get? Alot or in fact most of us needs at least one person beside us just to naturally feel secure. We actually envy our school mates who hangs out with a huge clique of people. What we all don't realise is, that one friend who walks in when everyone else walks out is equivilent to that huge group of friends. That one friend could also be that someone who is caring, sweet, responsible and whatever qualitites you want to have in a friend.

Its funny to get to know a person in a week and get so close that you guys need each other everytime. Don't you think so ? It is weird to be very close to him/her but you know that you need each other and that each others happiness is a factor. Somehow or other we are actually very dependant on our friends! Let's just hope friends don't hurt you !

I can do well for GP also okayy?

2007-10-02T21:33:00.001+08:00

Are you okay ?

2007-10-02T20:51:00.000+08:00

Hey there everyone! Guess what ? Theres exam tomorrow and here i am sitting in front of the computer stoning! THATS BECAUSE I AM STRESSED UP AND CAN NO LONGER STUDY LAR HEY!

First thing first, i want SITI NAZEERA BTE SHAJAHAN to know that id be there for her whenever she needs me! GIRL! Be strong for now okayy ? =)). keep smiling sweetie! I know you can lar darling. Just relax and be strong and do well in exams!

Next i am wishing all my loveable people good luck for their exams! I hope all of you little sweetie pies would do well!

Next, i wanna thanks Nur Huda Bte Othman for making me crazy after a long time! THANKS GAL! You made me smile lar sehh!!!

Next is to RK! ILY to the power of infinite can ??? THANKS SO MUCH! You always never fail to make my dae darlas! You are such a great person to know! Hahahahas! Thanks yarr ??? =))
TAKKAIRE !

I AM SOOO GOING CRAZZZY STUDYING NON STOP! Pray for my success! Till here, BYE!

i miss people!

2007-09-29T20:59:00.000+08:00

OKAY! Now i am so used to studying beside two people who keeps motivating me non stop! I am seriouslt so freaking happy that i get to meet people like that. If you think about it, a teachers job is to just teach. But i realised that there is this one teacher who really took the effort to go all out for her student. She even went to the extend, to pray personally for him, now that's what i call a great person to get to know ...

Oh well, today during work i kept praying non stop for RK's well being. I just hope that nothing happens to him. if anything happens, id cry my ass off and regret for not praying harder. Im missing RK badly now. Tmr, is a sunday. I work short hours hen going to macd to study. After that i am going to sleep early. Karnt wait for school on monday.

I usually hated school days but now i love em! Just because i got so freaking close to MsVans and RK!!!!! URGH! i so miss them... i dunnoe ifits rong to miss a teacher but seriously... shes now a part of my life... Someone so special... That includes RK as well... These two people are so gonna be loved by me!

Im missing RK sia. Hope he's doing fine... I shall stop here. =))

RK, imy! Take care of urself..

my best friend...

2007-09-28T21:49:00.000+08:00

It's funny a lot of times when we actually put ahead what we can do for ourselves and prioritise others in front of us. In fact what we don't realise a lot of times is that in a friendship, often we need each other but don't say it as a normal reaction of having ego!

In fact, being a best friend figure to someone, you would want everyhting to be done together though not everyhing is liked by each other but spending time together helps anw.

To RK:

Hey there. Today you really touched my heart with saying all those sweet things. Somehow i think that you're just a smaller version of me. I really hope that I really am praying for your well being and safe keeping. Even after all this mess i hope wed be as close as we are now.

Whenever you need a hand to pull you up to wherever you wanna be let me know, i will. Whenever you need a listening ear, let me know and i will. Whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, let me know and i will hand it to you. Know that you won't be alone as i will always be there for you.

I was really hurt to hear that news. I got over it but still i just hope you'd understand what im doing. I really care. Me and my dear teacher cares. We both are going all out to show you our love, care and concern for you. I don't know if you see it but i am sure that you're smart, mature enough to do whatever you need to do. Choose your right decisions. Like i said, i can say whatever i want but at the end of the day it is your choice.

You have to know that i can force you to hang out with me and everything else. Yet again, after all you know that its your choice again. Think about it yourself aites ?

You're the AWSEMOST person best friend! You made me smile widely and whole heartedly though i am so stressed up and have always spent my time emo-ing because of alot of things i am going through. I promise to share with you once i know that you're save. Fine! Granted. I cry because of what happened to you. You may ask me not to cry, but i karnt. You should know that no matter what you do or decide id be behind you. I trust you to decide on whatever is right.

I don't know what I'd ever do without you.
From the beginning to the end
I hope i'd always been there right beside you
So I'll call you my best friend
Through the good times and the bad ones
Whether I lose or If I win
I know one thing that never changes and
That's you as my best friend...

Friends are there through thick and thin
Well I've been told that
And I believe that it's automatic
Call me when you need a friend

Thanks bro for making me proud of you. For making me able to tell you that you are my best friend....
Good luck for everything!

I should also thank a person who even made all this happen! She is someone who holds authority in school so i shall not name her.

Dear _____,

thanks for making me meet RK. You made me study and you know that i can. You never gave up on me and kept pushing me from the back from the start till the end. You went all out for me even knowing that i always can't be bothered. I really hope that you'd forever not forget me. Though there is some barriers, im just saying things as a friend. Please know that i am really grateful for making me understand so much things about that one subject in just a few days. I thank you for letting me meet a nice person. I thank you for letting me raise him up. I thank you for appreaciating me for who i am. I thank you for being who you are and keep your rold at the same time.

You say the right thing, to keep me moving
To keep me going strong, what else can I say...

Thank you ! Hats off to you!

the yadas.

2007-09-26T21:45:00.000+08:00

hey there everyone! Its been sometime huh ? Today's gonna be a long post! Let's see where do i start ?

EXAMS! DUH! Everyone talks about it and even me. Its not a mistake bitching about exams after all. GRAB DE CHANCE! If only you wanna talk about something or someone and decided its sinful to bitch behind's someone's back then talk about exams.!

Apparently some people who have oh so perfect figures don't do that. All she say is 'tsk' when we walk past her. At least the anti her people have got brains to not bitch about her. GO around and tell people anything you want but the fact is, YOU'RE NOT A PERFECT PERSON ! That is still a fact at the end of the day. So continue having unrealistic dreams!

Minutes ago, i laid my SS, physics, Maths and bio in front of me and wanted to study like yesterday but i ended crying! I was so stressed up that i couldnt be bothered nimore. JUST LIKE PIT! I KNOW HOW IT GOES ABOUT!

Now, sitting here, i am listening to a song. This song is ms vans's ring tone. Its so sweet! Through ms vans, i somehow made an AWSOME friend! I would not like to name the person here. But he is darn nice larh! He is so nice in my eyes because he reminds me a treasured one, who left my life already. Someone who was a younger brotherly figure in my life. Oh well, hmmm that is soooo last time. Now he reminds me of it. He naturally will open up to me because i know somehow, he'd start smiling and will turn over a new leaf with everyone helping him with guidance to the right path!

Earlier on today, got to know some news about a friend who used to be bestie! Got to knoe that he was kinda serious. I was shocked but i control from blasting or anything. I AM A NORMAL HUMAN WHO WORRIED ALSO OKAYY?

am i okay? or am i just acting ? do i have anyone to confide into? Is that new awesome friend a right person to open up to ? Is it crazy of me to cry looking at the different subjects to study? Am i gonna make it this year? Am i smart enough to pull through? Am i irritating? URGH!!!!

went to clarke quay today for some tourism trip. was fun yet boring somehow! oh well, i guess im running out of mood to blog now. I feel like reading now. IM SO GONNA READ!

AWSOMEST NEW FRIEND, THANKS FOR MAKING

MY DAY TODAY!

its all about me.

2007-09-21T13:26:00.000+08:00

First thing first, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY to

ADI SUFIAN BIN HATTA!

Happy birthday friend! May all your dreams come true. You're the one person who always understood me back then. Who was always there. Who always lend me a shoulder and listening ear. You even used to scold whenever you needed to. Thanks alot. Thanks for everything. Though we are not how we used to be im very certain that you're one person i shouldnt and would never forget! Happy birthday again bro! Good Luck!

Next!

Yesterday was a oh-so-laughing day with naz and priya. HAHAHA. Somehow we kept laughing non stop yesterday. After school had bio ip coaching. This was where it all started. I was dumb enough to take out my hp in school library. My teacher then caught me lar! She was so firm with her stand. She wanted my hp! CONFISICATE LAR SEH! seriously my kind of person is, you make me feel pain, id make sure i will never turn towards it again. URGH! im dumb dumb! SHOULDNT HAVE DONE IT!

ANYWAE PEOPLE!

im missing so many people!

=((

can i cry ?

oh well, i hope things get better! =))

dengar dengar adik ada irfan ape! If thats the case i also can say that you have _____!

i would hang on not much longer

2007-09-08T22:23:00.000+08:00

Hey there guys. I realised something. The one week holidays is gone and im dreading this feeling. Exams back and everything is pressurising already. =((

Everything is under control and is per normal. Work and yada yada yada.

I just wanted to post to go out to that someone.

Hey there! how are you ? i see you're doing well. I guess you got over whatever you need to get over right ? You've got subtitutes of me very well already. You hang out with those bitches at macdonalds. With those jerks everywhere else. Going to hangout of all places at a place that is well known for gangsters. I HATE IT! I don't like you to be with them. But what can i say ? Im already a nobody in your life. A nobody in your profile. What can i say? In the recent days you did talk to me and said that you miss me. I realised that you said that in random. You did not change your lifestyle after saying that tho! It hurts lar hey! Don't you know how mucj i would hate you being with people i hate ?

Im dreading my life im leading now. I can't do anything without your support. Whatever it is, im sorry for what happened. You can put that blame on me! I will take responsibility for what happen these days. Im sorry. Very sorry. Till your toes i beg, please make your mind clear and let me know your decision and dont leave things hanging this way. It pains me. I don't know your motive for this cold war treatment. Something tells me that you've been confiding into somebody about us. Good to hear about it. Its a healthy way to let things out!

Takkaire then ? I guess you're sick and tired of this is it ? I don't know. You decide. Whatever it is, you've always been that same old person with the priorities in my list. ILY!

am i in LOVE?

2007-09-02T19:50:00.000+08:00

Hey there again! Surprisingly im updating 2 entries continously in two days straight. I seldom do that also. Oh well! Somehow.

Firstly, i would like to tell the world that YASIN IS STILL SURVIVING LAR SEH! yasin boleh angkat earth okay!

Secondly, i would like to tell the world that IF I CAN DO IT, so can U! meera boleh angkat building, huda angkat cruise, kymso angkat kapal eh ? waneez angkat singapore eh ? ntah lar ehk! but if i can u also can!

Thirdly, i am so freaking left out from SOME PEOPLES OUTING! URGH! pls ah. NEMIND! yasin angkat EARTH LAR SEH!

Fourthly, i have actually updated my links so you actually dont see alot of names there. so if u want to be linked tag me !!!!

Next, i wanna wish Nuralia Khaironisa Bte Zahid a HAPPY 14th BURFDAE! her burfdaes tmr! Sorry darling for not being able to buy you a pressie. Too late ah. haha. =))

Am i in love or something ? URGH! Let's see...

hey you girl with ___ hair! i love u lar hey! hahaha.
till her then!
takkaire peopl!

bugis was great.. memories were unleashed. tears did stroll but nw im a stronger person to overcome this!

circumstances changes fate

2007-09-01T19:16:00.000+08:00

Hey there. I know its been sometime since i've updated. As all of you guys know, i have been rather busy with school, work and everything else. I have now alot of changes in life.

In the recent days i have met another great creation of god. I got very close to this person. This person is so nice and a very nice person to talk to. A great person to get to know. He is always cheery and laughing around though he knows that sumhow his life is in a mess. Salutations to him. A lot of times, i dolaugh to myself thinking why i am not as tough as him. Oh well, his strong. This person is IRFAN! =))

I thank god for making me close to him and get to know a lot about him. I hope we would be like what we are for the ever rest of my life. =))

I have been missing alot of people too! All my Mcd night studymates! All those lovely people, and everyone. Kak eira also! I also miss THIS COUPLE WHO CANT BE BOTHERED ABOUT ME NIMORE!

Oh well, i realise how much i can cry in the dark when im alone. I keep smiling for the world because i can carry EARTH lar sehh!

I find it kinda hillarious when we act out to be strong but end up breaking down at the end of the day at a certain point. I miss that couple. Though i met them, they did not even bother to tell me that they miss me or something. I miss ___.<3.>DOLL! I am not invicible. I am not a shirt for you to wear onlly when you need it and take out when you don't want. You were'nt even bothered to msg me at all. Then when you met _____.<3>What else can i say ? You win. Just go if you want to. Or love me if you want. Please don't be the MIA person. Haizz. IMY&ILYSM! BOTH OF U IN FACT!

When you're gone...

2007-08-23T20:29:00.000+08:00

Dont you see you dissapearing from my life ?? Do you know one day without seeing you means like a thousand years to me ?? Where have you been ? You've changed. You've not been the one i used to know. You're acting to be somebody so that i'd be happy ? Why like that ?

Hey there people. I would to apologise to my readers who anticipate in my blog entries. Recently i have been busy. Stadard uh. Ive been always busy kn ? kn kn kn ??? hahahah. Anw, schools been hectic now that i've got a gentlemen look alike bitching behind my back. haizzz. hmmmsk. now that i have another person talking about me. Adds to my popularity. SOMEHOW !!!

Hahahaha. cant be bothered with kids uh. Anw, im nw like so lost and confused. Somehow, you're letting go of me. I DUNNOE LAR.

YASIN DA GILERRRRRR LAR SEHH!!!

to whom it may concern

whether i am bad or not it has nothing got to do with u . Before i blow,etter stop bitching. im gonna blow. Anything talk in front.

HUDA!!!!! welcome. i dunnoe welcom for what. but thanks also. for motivating me to cum school by saying that someone said smth sweet!!!!

when you're gone.

2007-08-05T22:03:00.000+08:00

I always wanted to see you and be with you all day long. I always wanted to be smiling hearing you say you love me and you miss me. All my dreams are just mere dreams and never came true. Whenever i hear the piano tone soothe my ear and the strumming of guitar and touches it up, i dread and think about those moments. All sorta question pop out from people but i did not answer. I guess its time i reveal it all out....

To whom it may concern:

Yes it is true. I was avoiding you two. I just do not want to be a barrier in your relationship. I don't wanna be someone who creep into someone's life just to spoil it. I can't stand it when each time im present either one of you is down. I don't cry on the spot but i cry all night at home. I control. Once or twice i couldn't stand i cried on the spot. I swear, till now i have not healed from the words that got into my ears. That moment keep playing and keep ringing. I keep myself busy so i won't think about it. I cry when im alone. I cry when i hear those songs. I cry when i see you from afar. I cry thinking about the fact that im gonna lose you. But my mind is made up. i am not gonna make a big difference but you guys are gonna make a big difference in my life. You guys were the same people who taught me how to love and you guys are the same people who taught me how to not love anymore. It's because it affects me alot. Each time you guys quarrel i keep thinking to myself that im the reason for whatever that happened. I am tired. Mentally, physically and phsycologically. I keep repeating that.

What happened you ask me ? im hurt. Very terribly hurt. I swear i never stop crying when im thinking about that incident. I keep wanting to hear those words, i love you, i miss you and stuffs. I always wanted to hear its been sometime since i met you. but i don't see it at all. Its always me who is giving away my words which are not replied or appreaciated. My sacrifises. My pain, my slits and everything else went down the drain just like that. Im not blaming anyone but this is just my thoughts. I know its my fault for throwing that card but i really did not mean it. I swear. I know its my fault for chasing you when you're mad but i care and i love thats why. I was worried. But once you say get lost. I persisted. You said fuck off i persisted. When you told me to fuck off because you don't want me i could not. I'd keep this forever in my head. Yes, i am foolish and irritating because i don't know when to get hype and when to not. Yes, i am not understanding.Yes, i know im someonw who drags you guys all around. YES IT IS ME! im sorry.

I lie on my bed and think to myself that its painful that im losing you. I HAVE made up my mind. It's true. I just wanna be alone and don't wanna be what i used to be because i've been through over and over again. Its gonna be hard but ive succeeded going through this before and im sure i can do it again. You two are losing ONE person but i am losing TWO people. For some reasons or other you guys are gonna hate me so be it. Go ahead and keep talking if you guys ever want. I am just hurt. It is my fault. Did you know how happy i was when i heard YES at cck mrt staition. Do you know how happy i was when i hear love and misses messages. Haizz. I guys its all history. I hope you read this and tell to whoever it needs to be told.

So long and goodbye.

memories;

2007-08-01T19:04:00.000+08:00

Hey there everyone. I know i have been missing for quite some time. Oh well, i hope you readers understand the busy schedule i have. School's been rather terrible and i am trying my best to catch up with whatever i can. Maths has been rather fun in the recent days.

Without much whinigs, let me just let you know some happenings in my life. Recently one of my friend got admitted to the hospital. Initially i was not close to him. We were just mere acquintance but after he collapsed in school, out of all the sudden, i got rather worried for him and got real scared for his condition. I followed him down to the sick bay at that time and told myself to stay beside him till he gets the attention he needs. His mum came to school after that and we called for an ambulance. He was brought to the hospital. I won't tell why and what's the cause of his collapse but one thing is for sure. Now i am really very worried and trying to make him open up to me. I got to know so much about when he was in the hospital. I did make an effort to go down to the hospital to make long visits to accompany him throughout the stay in the hospital. Now he is better.

After seeing him being in that condition, i told myself that i should let go of him and that i should treasure him as a friend. He is actually a very nice person and i am really happy that he now opens up to me about so much more. I want to be there for him whenever he needs me. That's my aim.

Besides that, at work, now i am almost done with CLDP and once i have completely verified all my stations, i am going to talk to chris about my further promotion. Well, that is my ain ultimate aim. Of course.

On a lighter note, how is this blogskin ? Changed it yesterday. Nice ? Actually it means alot and there is a long story behind it, but i don't wish to reck it up. Let it be. I shall just keep it to myself. =((

I actually miss alot of people but alot just don't realise and understand that. Some took leave from work because they're busy with school, some of them have actually sorta parted far away from me because of a certain incident. Haiz. BE STRONG YASIN!

I would like to congratulate Law Kok Hui who has been promoted to 1st assistant manager and been transferred to BWC. I just want to let all of you know that he has been a great manager i have passed. I really wish him all the best and give him the best support he needs. Haiz. Yani from BWC now transferred to my store. Don't know whether she's great or not. I would just wait and see.

To some people out there:

Hey you two, i miss you two to the extreme too. But i am just taking a break so that i can heal myself from that incident. I hope you guys understand. I see your relationship going smooth without me so shouldn't be a problem or make a difference. Takkaire. =))

bleahs.

2007-07-18T20:04:00.000+08:00

kak ana, i am missing you so much. I have been thinking alot about you. You've been missing. I miss your smiles, laughters and all your crappy moments..... I miss your screams and i keep thinking how you'd be doing over there. I know you're gonna be okay but i really really wanna see you. Memories of you keep tingling everywhere i go. I miss you so much. I really really miss you. =((. love you.

kak ana, adk rindu akak sebanyak banyaknye!

that was written while my dearest sister was away. so kak ana, this is the post i saved. aites ? at last kn ? kn kn kn ?

ITE AMK was so freaking boring lar sehhhh! urgh! after that, went to macd met abg, afiq, lo'loo and shahrul. Afiq was pissed off because everyone else was emo. =((. Awwwww. Afiq chill ah. Orang tgh ada problems. hmmmm. Abg was sleeping. I also dunnoe whats rong. Before i come okay jekk. Shahrul was not okay. So obviously lo'loo cares and she talked to him. I was caught in between many situations yet again. hmmmm.

haizzz. tomorrow they're not having school but i have stupid stuffs. URGH! aites, guess that's it for today.... i need to get going, FnN coursework plus recipe editing is calling me. Not forgetting maths and ENGLISH! urgh! what more mtl ? hmm. OUTS!

takkaire people. Love you guys.

i see a change in you. I hope you're alright. Love you!

life is so mean and full of tears....

2007-07-12T19:44:00.000+08:00

Hey there guys. I know i've been missing for quite sometime. I have rather busy with school, work and everything else. Just before i update my life with all of you, i would to tell you blog readers that this entry might be a bit too long so bear with me ya ??

School has been rather fine. Have been catching up with what i missed though i am still struggling. Too much commitments is a bad thing too. What a thing to say! Work has been the same. No changes. Though GST made macdonalds even richer thanks to increase in all the extra value meals and stuffs like that. Only the great daily saver's meal is still the same old $1.50 and $2.00. And what is and what nots... Let's not talk about money shall we?? Everyone's craving for money considering in the era we are living in right now.

Let's go in deeper in school. Today dance practice has started. It was more of fun compared to anything else. A bit of silat pratice. I have got a sudden fetish over ganda. Please don't ask me why. It was kind of productive for a day's work. This time has new dancers. Let's see how it goes.

Oh well, recently i have been involved in TV Commercial and its kinda fun though it takes alotta effort to make your way through to the final product. Yup it is true. Through sour experiences, the sweet fruit will bear.

I have been thanking god to have a great brother and great friends who i treat like my family. There were rough patches between me and my bro. From then till now, things seem to be different. It's like before our quarrell, we used to appreaciate each other much more but now it seems so much different. Id just let god decide. I <3 u.

Shahrul and lulu have been great people too. I miss them loads. Though i got to see lulu today! weeee! not shahrul. =((. i am a bit upset with him because i heard some bad news today from his friends. hmmmmm.

Been missing so much people actually. One of the many will be my beloved bunch of friends who seem to be forgetting me now. I guess they know who they are. They've been talking about me and it hurts. You guys might be thinking, let it hurt me. but you're wrong. You don't make me realise by that way. You don't make me realise by avoiding me. by not talking to me. I know exactly where you guys are heading and guess what ? Go ahead if you want. Oh well i have been doing so much for all of you guys. I guess ONE PERSON from all of you tries very hard to understand me. But it hurts. Damn badly. I cry thinking why i am so stupid being me. I cry thinking why i am so dumb to sacrifise alot. I have never forgotten u guys. Ok i have changed. We can talk. What wrong with me and everything. I leave it to all of you. Talking behind my back doesn't help. Up to u guys lar!

I have had enough. Off i go you guys. Take care and i will try to update soon.BYE!

bleahs

2007-06-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

Hey there guys. How has everything been so far ? Firstly i would to wish Miss Siti Shaheera congratulations and all the best for being newly wed.

I get kind of thinking every now and then. I think life is short and we got to treasure it. Treasuring it is one thing and letting people around you know how much you need them is another.

I realise i have a very nice and understanding cheerful smiley brother. I am thinking alot after what happened just now. My bro said he was mad at me. It was my fault and that is true actually. After much thinking, i realised i could have done so much more for him.

I was reflecting on whatever you told me, your sms-es and calls. Whenever you cried and told me how terrible you were feeling. Whenever you were feeling down because your mum keeps nagging. Even times when you were so happy and excited about going out and dressing up for the first time and stuffs. I often only act as a listening ear to you. Of course i would rather want to try to do so much more. Alot of times i wanted to tell myself i would rather you be happy, joyful and carefee while i absorb all your problems to have it as mine.

I tried to be a great bro to you. I really did. Remember the time when you were crying so badly under the block because your life was in a mess ? I tried my best to comfort you and also give you a hug to make you feel better. I would never forget about you or turn my back on you. I can't stand to see you so depressed or sad. I love to see you happy and joyful.

I really enjoy your company. I enjoy your jokes, your sweet words that make me feel so appreaciated and loved as a younger brother and of course most important of all i accept you for who you are. Somehow i wish i do not have to gradute from secondary school neither should you. I just want to pursue your dreams together with you while you accompany me to pursue my dreams.

I really like to be with you because you open up my laughters when i actually don't really laugh alot eversince things happened. That's the reason why. You actually remind me of my past when i was so happy and carefree. Those days when i don't have to worry about anything. Days when i don't even have to know whether GST is incresing or not. The world really isn't a nice place to live in. Its a competitive world your'e challenging. Alot wish they grow older because of the fetish over buying ciggarettes and liqour or even clubbing. For me i wish i'm younger and could enjoy the years of being a kid.

Deeply from my heart, life would be very boring without you. I salute god for making me meet you and for you to share my life with me. I am really convinced that i see no one else worthy as you to be my elder brother. I hope you'd stay the same because i won't want to see you change a single bit.

I didn't tell you why i was down because i don't want to be a burden to you whining about the same things over and over again. I appreaciate you for hugging me whenever i needed one. For wiping my tears away. What a beautiful day of yours which i possibly spoiled because i made you mad at me. Sometimes i dwell thinking why am i being such an extra in your relationship with kak ana but yet again i tell myself that i am loved by you guys.

I would like to thank you so much. Though there may be times when we disagree on certain terms but if you think about it, overcoming it by talking terms out is a challenge. Overcoming that is something to be proud of. Wherever you are right now, i hope you would read this. I really have never met a bro like you compared to others. Thanks alot for being you.

I love you and for whatever reasons please know that i am here for you. You don't have to lie to me or hide things from me because i would definitely want to be the one to life you up when you're down. Someone who leads you when you're lost..... Keep strong...

busy

2007-06-09T21:59:00.000+08:00

Before i start anything i would like to say a big hello to my dear readers. I would also like to take this chance to apologise to readers who anticipates in my blog entries frequently.

Recently, i have been very busy with all kinds of stuffs. Dance, work, outing, service learning, friends. I barely have enough time to take a breathe and sigh. What a life to go through. Somehow i would still like to thank god for giving me a chance to live. I feel that god is giving me a chance to learn and expose myself to roads that are rough with alot of pebbles and rocks.

In this road of rocks i met alot of nice people. I would like to thanks Abg Zulhusni and Kak Ana for being there whenever i needed someone to lean on. To wipe away my tears when im down. To kiss me right on my forhead just to tell me and convey their message that they love me. I really appreaciate that. I will never let go....

I got to know what kind of person johnathan is also. He is nice and very understanding. He made me feel better just by saying a few words of wisdom. I realise he is a great person to meet and to know better. Salutations to him.

Dance was going unwantingly bad at a certain point of time. We were hanging on and we managed to pull through. Problems cropped out here and there and i guess weve suceeded. I just hope things would go well. It was very hard to lead a group and coordinate them while i have stressful moments to choreograph dance steps. I thank god for letting me get over this. Now everything is fairly under control.

Work has been rather hectic. Now i get easily tired. Besides being pissed off with some people's attitude towards working, it is going rather well. Attachments here and there is also kind of a good thing. Learn more things. Cool, don't you think so ??Aiming for that FM pose isn't easy you know...

Outings every now and then is getting harder. It clashes with so many other things. I respect those people who plan it because they sacrifise alot just to fit in my schedule. Thanks so much you guys. =))

Friends... hmm. what can i say ? I guess i shall not comment about this. teehees.

Service learning has been okay. I haveplanned out things andi hope things would go on well.

so much things happening in life. Tomorrow is Ms Sha's wedding. I wish her all the best. Just imagine a bacholorette whos getting married. Just before their annouced husband and wife, she is still a bachlorette. After that snap of the finger, she is married and is a wife to someone. What a subject to ponder.

I guess that'd e all for now. LOVE ALL OF YOU! take care.

i miss u.

2007-05-29T12:48:00.000+08:00

After sometime, its getting hard to get immune to this. Because its love. Its nothing else. Its called love and its natural. This feeling takes over you naturally. You don't have to call upon it to take over you. How else do you think it's hard to suffer.

Today is 29th may. A day i longed to celebrate with my dearly lovED friend. A great person i got to know in my whole lifetime. One who also treasures his friends. One who makes a good boyfriend. Someone who is worth knowing. I miss him so much.

To just let him konw. Happy 15th Birthday friend! May all your wishes come true and may you have a long life ahead. Good luck to you and your girl. May it last forever. I hope you'd be a sucessful bright person shining in the society.

That's that. Let's move on....

Abg, why were feeling so terrible yesterday ? All of sudden you were sad because of that and you teared so badly. Do you know i have not stopped crying till now. I know i messed up your life. Somehow i have a feeling i am losing. Though my heart may be heavy to let you go, if that's your choice and you really want to leave me be then so be it. Sorry for messaging you non stop yesterday. I just couldn't help it. This situation i am going through now is tottally outta control. I can just lose it. Its the point of time where nothing seem to matter. Before i end this post i would like to tell you that i love you. I really do as though you're my blood, flesh, nails, nerves, eye, breath, nose, ears, brain and especially my heart. Its with you cos i gave it to you. Nothing else compares in this world to you. I love you. Don't leave me here alone will you ???

Alright people. I am sooo missing johnsten, my friend and my brother. =(. im also missing someone as well. hmmmf....

IM OUT!

just what went wrong ?

2007-05-25T12:09:00.000+08:00

Okay. This is for you.

Let me tell you nicely with respect. Since you don't want to be talking with me right, i respect your decision. First things first, i would like to apologise for my harsh words. For sure you would ask me why i apologise, well its because i dont find a need to use vulgur words on you. I believe you got your own mind to think and realise things, I don't need to. Ok, i admit i was being really harsh, so im sorry.

You've already published at your blog earlier on to watch my words and you'd watch yours. It's true, so if you'd want to blame me go ahead. For this issue id stand for my fault because i used harsh words and i know you'd shoot me back with the same language i used. Yes, give and earn respect. Yet again, im sorry.

Now, let's slowly analyze the whole situation. You used harsh words against me too right ? Nevermind. Okay, you don't believe my words right ? Ok fine. This matter, it's actually up to you. Seriously. I won't want to say anything. I really hope you'd think and consider. I know you treat me like your enemy. Somehow, you should have at least a bit of trust upon me of those words ? You really don't trust me ? Rmb, i told you that you know everything about me ? Why would want to lie to you. Seriously. Just think about that. It's up to you lar. This one i would not say anything and i hope you'd understand ya ?

As for the whole situation. See, you told me you know it's your fault for intruding people's privacy. That's good. I respect you for realising its your fault. Salutations to you. See, i wanna know. it's true a friend is supposed to make you realise somewhat differently, nicely and all. Or even understand you for making that move. Yes, my approach was harsh. Again, i apologise for that. But have you ever thought of reacting a nicer way ? Maybe to come to me and tell me that i've hurt you by using those harsh words on the spot. Perhaps things would have been better ? As in, though you want things to be this way. At least we would not be as terrible as this and could have been just normal acquintance. ??

Now, you asked me what i wanted ? I just want to clear this mess. I just don't want you to have the wrong impression on me. I just want you to clear this mess up. Things can remain this way if you want but at least with the table cleared. That is what i want. Yet again, i can't be unfair. So let me also ask you, what do you want ? We can always negotiate.

Next, i don't know what you've heard from others and yet again its up to you to believe or not. At least clarify. I swear it was not meant to be this way. Somehow fate made it this way. So, i can't help it. You are mature enough to think about this.

I think you've had enough and i also have had enough. That's why im approaching this way this time with so much due respect. It's not to suck up to you. It's just a nicer way to approach. I hope you'd understand too. Now let me state my feelings which i hope you'd be willing to read.

Eversince you walked away, i found it hard to treat you like a stranger. That's because you made a huge impact in my life. I swear i thank you for all that. Thanks for being there. Thanks for understanding me. Thanks for hugging whenever i needed. Thanks for so much good moments. Thanks for everything. Seriously. I wanna apologise for using alotta harsh words. It's because of my anger that made those spout. There's this one things i would like to ask you. Do you really really want things to be this way ? Do you ? Do you really really want to leave things hanging ? I swear i am really missing you . I really am. Yes, i was ego not putting this up . Now i am. I really miss you. It's really up to you to believe this or not. I did not know that my brother came to talk to you. I swear i didn't ask him to. So, sorry if he was harsh, or if he disturbed you in anyway. I just can't seem to hate you like i used to, and that's because i know the beauty of a friend is in you. The rest is up to you.

As the day went on and on, i see you staring at me. Maybe i got it wrong but somehow i feel it. It's okay. But can you give me the respect a normal human should have ? Yeah. Yet again it's your own decision from now on. I hope you'd make a wise decision.

I would like to wish you good luck in your relationship. Hope you guys don't always quarrel or fight. I wish you good luck in life, studies and your future endeavours. You were born into this world to live like a princess. So take that power and strength and live life. Thanks for showing me what you can do with that beauty of friend that you have in you. Thank you.

bleahs

2007-05-23T10:57:00.000+08:00

Just as i expected. How else would you react besides being so illiterate. I can see how much you've educated yourself with all those crap that you replied to my tag and comment. I can see how much you hate me. But hate me all you want. I can't even be bothered. You asked me get lost and go and die ? Why must i die because you asked me to ? Who are you to ask me to die ? Why must i get lost ? What is there to get lost from ? Why you need to ask me to get lost ? I've long got lost from your life. You want to severe all ties ? You don't have to. Because ive already severed all ties. Get alife!

Ok wait. Since when have i been sniffing for you, or inhaling for you? Come on. Maybe last time, yes. Now, OH PLEASE! I still have MY lovers to LOVE ME ALL THEY WANT AND TREASURE ME.

And yes i am mature, but still mature people also have weak points lar hey. No one's perfect and who is nobody ? I know where to hit and hurt you the most but do you know where to hit me and hurt me the most ? Dont even imagine.

You might be thinking why im wasting my time to blog about you, well oh well. Because i wanted you to react that way so that i can call you a EVEN cheaper bitch! I don't even know how cheap you can get. Cos you might be selling yourself to even road sweepers. I do agree road sweepers are huimans who still deserve respect. But you, i guess you gotta look yourself in the mirror before you talk. A pot calling a kettle black. hmph!

Anw, enough of that. I HAD GOOOD FUN LOVING TIME WITH ALL MY SWEETIE PIES!!!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS !

okay. OUT!

today......

2007-05-17T21:09:00.000+08:00

How much more can i say my day sucked.
Results sucked.
Day sucked.

But at least i got to meet my dearest missed person, ADI!
YAY-ness!

Besides, i am rather dissapointed with two people. How far more can it suck ?

To my dearly loved _______:

Why are you keeping this from me ?
Why do you keep telling me you want to be alone first ?
Why do you keep making me worry ?
Why are you going through things so terrible ?

Seriously, i am not angry. I am just plain worried.
You know i am. You sound really terrible on the phone.
Please don't put me through this will you ?
I don't want things to go wrong again .
Remember, we love each other ?

I told you i wont treat you like what ___ fucka did.
i swear! i promise!
i knew the meaning of brother when you taught me.
When you cared for me.

When you wiped away my tears.
When you always lift me up with your warm, tight hug.
When you always make me laugh and entertain me.
When you always hangout with me and pamper me.
It makes me feel like im your flesh and blooded brother.
We said we'd be there for each other right ?

You even promised me things were going to be the same if you left kranji.
Each time i cried, you will always ask me not to and shower me with all your laughters.
When you were angry with the deeds i did, you punched me.
But after that, you even asked me to hug you and you told me not to do it again.
I love you for not only who you are or what you are.
I love you because you are you.

This is not to tell the world that i love you and treasure you.
It is to tell you that i am worried about you whenever you tell me that you want to be left alone first.
I hear this difference in your voice when you said please.
Thats the reason why i agreed.

I am gonna be calling you in half an hours time,
i am so worried that i am blogging in between. I pray you'd be okay.
Please know that i am still here aites ?

This is for you.

How pure can the word love sound.
As i hear this music in heart, it purifies me.
Its a devined feeling.
I opened to door of my heart and let you in just because you soothe me.
LOVE can just lay a finger on you and you can be blind, lame, happy etc.
My heart will go on for you and my pulse will beat on for you.
All those moments you gave me i thank you for.
You're here and theres nothing i fear.
We'll stay forever this way.
You'd be forever this way.

Im done for today.!
Johnstens bdae cuming!
WOOHOOO!
BYE!

saya rindu awak.

2007-05-13T20:19:00.000+08:00

oh this shutters of windows, with fierce rain hitting against the ground.
this lightning and thunders that bomb my ears while i watch through the transperant windows.
this surface that vibrates along with each thunder.
most of all, this climate; it expresses my feelings.
an umbrella is never gonna help.

I know i have not been blogging for quite some time.But trust me, im a busy man. Guess what ? Exams are over. Results are coming. I am going crazy. Many things has been happening. Lotsa changes. Lotsa love filled moments.

But lemme fast forward and let you know about someone who touched my heart deep inside ever since i promised myself it was gonna be hard to mend.

This person. Someone special and nice. Someone who was there when no one was.

Before i state the name, lemme state the things we did recently.

Play cards, hangout and SHOPPING!

among all, i enjoyed the shopping.

We went bugis to shop. first we go then i had a hard time choosing stuffs. he then helped me through it. Then after sooo long i only bought 1 pathetic berms and a cap. Then we had dinner. After dinner, i called Ms Sha to ask for ideas where to shop since shes good with places and clothes. Guess what ? She was at bugis too! So we met each other at macdonalds. COOL KN ? KN KN KN ? I miss her so much! Anw, as i was saying. Then after that we went back to bugis street to continue to shop. Then i finally bought a pants, and got attracted to another berms. So i bought. After that, went to lot 1 cos we wanted to buy the same berms. Ended up we didnt. =((. Ten we went NTUC to buy some groceries for my mum. Haa. Then after that we went back to giordano to get plain t shirts. Then we were done for the day. Haa. So cool tau. FUN GILLLLERRRR NYER !

so are all of you guys readi to konw who this person is ?

The person is........ *drumroll*

MUHAMMAD FAIZ ZULHUSNI

SAYA SAYANG DIA ! weeeee.

ok lar. thats all. hehe. thats my motive. to blog about this. anw, all of u takkaire. will try to update my blog asap.
BYE!

ily.

2007-05-08T21:44:00.000+08:00

some people just dont realise that I LOVE ____;

all i want to say is : ily,imy,ily,imy.

IM SORRY!

thats all.

BYE!

johnsten is a angel...

2007-05-01T21:03:00.000+08:00

I can't help it but to blog again. See, i was reading Johnsten's blog and realise a whole lot of things. I was browsing through his archives for fun. Never did i realise that i could learn so much from just two months of his blog entries. Cool isn't he ?

I can keep going on. I am still reading through. He teaches the people who anticipates in his blog entries how to treasure life and what nots... He even went to the extend to state what fantasies his hand could do. Cool isn't he ? I realised he even bothered to make sure every of his blog entries has a tinge of joke. Just to make sure his readers won't get bored!

I really like laugh my ass out and got myself real entertained. A source of inspiration to fight on no matter what is always in the atmosphere. A lil' jokes here and there. He shows how felial he is to friendship and trust me, he sounds like a angel sent from above. How sweet right ? This is his real features. I am not faking it.

He makes a good leader inside out. He is a NP instructor and also a FM. I guess he's gonna lead people under him well. I can't wait to follow him wherever he goes. As in whichever stores he goes to.

Let's give this a thought for a moment. Someone who is funny, entertaining, a good friend, good motivator is also a great blogger. What a great person to come by. I hope we'd have a everlasting friendship. I really can't afford to lose it. I won't lose of the grip and learn from my mistakes.

I would treasure this johnsten guy who alot of you keep asking me "who is this johnsten guy who has this special post in your life. " Well, this is the person who gave me a listening ear and gave me great courage in just a couple of minutes by reading his blog entries. He is someone who gave me words of courage when all odds seemed to come down crashing at me. He sounds like a good friend, a good hangout partner, a great elder brother to me and so much more actually.

We were so dumb to walk in and out of the streets after work. Just because we were talking on and on. But still i enjoyed his company plus all his jokes and of course how can i forget. HIS NEVER ENDING DISTURBING OF ME! I realise he likes to disturb me by asking alot of things. Stuffs like, who is rena ? what happened ? why did it happen ? how you got to know her ? Something like that lar. A good interviewer i can say.

He is someone who can recieve all the love he wants. Such a great person to know. I can keep going on and on about whatever i know about him. I just got to know slightly better. There's still so much more to know about him. Theres a still a never ending friendship i ought to see. I got so much more to learn from him actually.

Now you get a better picture of who this johnsten guy is ? Cool huh ? See! I told you he is great!
Ultimately, that is the reason why i can't help it but to blog again. weeee.

To johnsten:

THANKS FOR BEING WHO YOU ARE! JUST THANK YOU MANY MANY! I KNOW I OWE YOU ALOT! I HOPE I CAN REPAY YOU IN SOMEWAY OR OHER AITES ??!!!!!! YOURE SIMPLY AWESOME !

That's all. BYE!

just what is happening ?

2007-05-01T20:07:00.000+08:00

Just what is happening to the me?? I was looking out of the window and this is what i saw.

I saw a group of people at the void deck... One wearing a pink t-shirt, another with red and black striped shirt holding a guitar, another with a soccer jersey, another with a black jacket. They all were people i miss so much. I was watching the one in red and black striped shirt playing the guitar with body movements while the rest were singing swaying their body... It was a moment when i felt so happy seeing all of them together. It was so happy that i started crying. Not long later, i heard a alarm clock ring. I did not expect it to be a dream.

Anti climatic right ? I agree. See, i agree that i miss these people. I just needed to know what is this dream about ? Is this really my life ? Have they finally thought it through ? Does it really lie with me ? Are they worth my thoughts ? Are they worth my tears? Are they people who'd never leave my heart ? Or is this just a feeling im feeling ? Am i suffering from any syndrome that makes me feel like this ?

Is this something to facilitate our _________ ? Is it just a test from god ? Is it just letting go of hands ? Is this something to end up seeing me dying ? Just what conclusion do people want ? Am i being egoistic ? Haven't i toned down ? Is this life? Or does it have any other meaning to this ?

Anyway.....

Today work was tiring. Breakfast hours were rather a tiring chore i had to complete. Just after that, i realised a mess at the counter. I got so fed up. Some people did not know how to clean the mess then go for break. It really got me so pissed. After that, i had to go for outdoor party with tommy as a topcat of course. I met this cute little pie who stays near me. He was so super cute that i got so attracted to him. I just simply love his hair. So cute cute cute cute till cannot cute already.

Overall, work was so tiring. I have yet to do CLDP and get myself verified on stations. After the exams i am so gonna rush through my SOCs. With the aid of Johnsten and Yi Peng of course. I just can't simply accept the fact that there's just so much to study !!

That;s about it for now.

that somebody was so busy that that person only replied me word for word at msn. =((. teehees. hey you! i realised it okk!

BYE PEOPLE! take care.

keep those tag rolling in.

BYE!

is life like this ?

2007-04-30T21:52:00.000+08:00

Just as these fingers touches the piano, it starts playing a piano piece that it creeps through my heart someway or other. I tell myself that i must not give in to any problems to break me down but somehow it affects me so much that i break down.

As i type this, tears are rolling down my cheek. Thinking of those times it makes me go bonkers. It plays over and over agian... Memories i can't erase keep playing. Tears keep rolling. When i get this pain in my head, i realise it all comes back. Everything. Each time i sit, i walk, i sing, i type it reminds me of how we used to be. Memories yet again.

What else can i do ? I just have to shut up and be myself. I just have to shut up and give in. I just have to shut up and be mature. People screaming at me like military camp i shut up and say it's my fault.

Haizz. Thank gawd i had someone to confide into just in time. Though he was tired.

And that person is WEE ZI JUN JOHNSTEN! Thanks alot again. I owe you alot! Thanks for just listening or rather reading those crap i was typing. May god bless you. It's hard to come by people like you. THANKS!

i guess im done. BYE!

bleahs!

2007-04-28T19:16:00.000+08:00

WEE ZI JUN JOHNSTEN!

thanks so much!
you MADE MY DAY !
haha! YOU'RE SIMPLY GREAT!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
in a snap you simply brought me away to a world with no problems. You simply made my day. I enjoy doing things with you. A source of entertainment. I realise i got alot of things to share with you. Someway, somehow, you're just simply great lar! I ENJOY LETTING MY HOURS GO BY SPEDNING TIME LAUGHING MY ASS OUT WITH YOU! Oh btw, rena is just a no one! and i just can't stand your BROTHER who is like going around telling people:- a star is fucking higher than a fucking CL and same rank as a FM. tell him to get the hell out of my life!

What else can i ask for ? I am smiling, studying. working well. FOOH! teehees. Though i konw somewhere inside something is wrong but i still can't be bothered. I don't want to think about it ! Oh did i tell you guys ? I have decided on something. Something i can't be more sure of. I have told myself, i shall not let the most recent problem affect me. I thought of it and i concluded that if people want to settle problems, i would but if not i shall not. I would exactly do what Ms Nurjanna, Ms Ratna said. weeee.

Today work was okay lah. I just realised that i was a potential leader ! haha. wooohoooooo! Today mac was like filled with students lar! It's like sooooo school canteen. I realised only one person made me fucked up today! No wait. Two actually. I guess they thought that i was born yesterday.

I spend half a day yesterday just to study ! gawsh. oh well. benefits me in the end. worth it!

And i was super fucked up when i like heard people telling me that "STAR IS HIGHER THAN CREW LEADER AND IS SAME RANK WITH FM." Which is sooo wrong lar!

Just before i end i would like to say that : HOPEFULLY I PASS MY EXAMS ! wooohooo!

alright! im done. BYE!

a smile brought to you by JOHNSTEN. i smiled easily when you entertained me when actually i was frowning just before you came ! THANKS!

im sorry;

2007-04-24T20:26:00.000+08:00

Alright people... i went overboard i guess. Analyzed.

Pit: im sorry. okay ? Fine. We'dleave it this way. That's it. But i guess you went overboard on your post that day. But nahh. I analyzed and YES. This one im at fault. Im sorry. i know you really meant the kneeling on the knees things. I SWEAR i noe that. Im sorry. Sorry about the post. im really sorry. i know you're gonna be reading this. Please don't make me hate you guys. im telling you that over and over again. Ok ? hope you'd take this into consideration.

Moving On....

THAT GUY !!!!
is super irritating and frustrating and a pain in the arse with sacarstic comments! urgh!

Today was okay but im not gonna post about it cosim beat. i came here forone purpose! apologise. im done. and maybe tmr or some other time aites ? EXAMS HERE! so STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!!!!

im done people!
BYE!

once bitten twice shy;

2007-04-17T20:17:00.000+08:00

I have concluded. Since people can say "yasin is like that. he like to make up stories. " in just a snap. You are so not gonna see the old of me back ever in your whole life. Sharyfah was right. I keep helping and ended up getting all finger pointed at me.

I can easily tell" my first impression on you was right. you're a bitch!" but i don't want. I can do so many other things but i don't want. I handle things maturely. Let's watch who blows up and loses temper first. Don'e tell me i'm cruel because you chose things yourself.

Today school was fine. I learnt quite alot and ended up helping out with nighthawk stuffs after studying. Go mac continued studying with hafizah. Then now im home and gonna continue studying. I hope i do well for my exams. Insyallah. Ms Ratna is so sweet. She tottally understands my position. Ms thng is super sweet by advicing me. They are so right. Don't take your stand when they are not gonna listen. Why waste time on these kind of people. They are SOOOO RIGHT! I am not so free like them.

So, we've planned to join the cultural fiesta thingy. That dance competition. The dance members are :

Yasin- Team Leader
Yasmin- Assistant Leader
Sasha-Assistant Leader
Nuraini-Advisor
Dinah- Member
Syikin- Memer
Lily- Member
Rafidah- Member
Atifah- Member
Geenie- Member
Ali- Member
Akmal- Member
Afiq- Member
Khairil- Member

We are so gonna rock the stage! Randomly Insane Kids. WE ROCK!

On a heavier note, EXAMS ARE KILLING ME! endure yasin. I CAN DO IT! haha.

ALRIGHT

till here.

BYE !

droplets of my tears;

2007-04-16T18:51:00.000+08:00

as i step out of my house i witnessed a lightning that beought back memories of my past. The good and bad moments i had. It rained heavily with lightning and it was raining heavily on my face as i was walking too. I was so restless and lathargic as i was walking past each and every fence. I was losing it all. Losing the grip. Ayie was right. I am floating on the sea surface trying to get to the right path.

Each time i call someone i remembered how i once use to do a trademark dialogue. Its all now over. That was the past. Angus told fitriyah "you won't leave me that fast. i know." It means alot if you really think about it. I continously told myself not to cry when tears are flowing down my cheeks.

As i hear songs that reminded me of you. I realise i miss you so much. Your presence still lingers here in the atmosphere. I cry to know that you're gone. I cry to know that now you turn your back on me after doing much for. I cry to know you're pointing fingers at me. I cry to know you are no more there for me. I cry to know that you don't understand me when you always used to. I cry to know that when no one was there, even when your guy wasn't there for you i was there and when no one was there for me you we'rent there. I lent you a listening ear, a sharing thought, a crying shoulder and you loaned me as a temporary basis.

I rather feel you used me. I saw this coming but little did i know you wanted to use me. Now you go back to your guy and you're showing your back at me. Till here i got nothing to say.

Today i went to the hospital for check up . That ass is referring me to a neurologist. URGH! That means MORE MONEY. gawsh! and more money means more work. more work means more tired. more tired means more bodyaches and headaches. more bodyaches and headaches means less concentraition during lessons. less concentraition during lesson means bad exam results. bad exam results means no qualifications for better job. no qualifications for better job means no money. and money means cant go hospital check up. It goes round in circles over and over again.

Property, money and everything else can be taken away from you. But studies can never. That's what nargis's mother told us. Its true actually.

I remember how i was affected by everything that i was playing with my hotcakes with sausage on the breakfast base instead of eating it. and AYIE keep peeping. HAHA! i just simply am so contented that he really makes me smile. johnsten also. teehees. seriously lar seyy.

I just get so irritated when i see people's nick or personal message stating promises are meant to be broken. So whoever who wrote it please erase. cause, PROMISES ARE NOT MEANT TO BE BROKEN!

Someone wanted my help. For the first time i couldn't help him. Maybe because i am just too dumb to think of a solution. IM SO SO SORRY! i feel so useless not being to help you arh beb!

Amirul Syahmi Bin Kamal, im sooooo missing your thankiew. and of course your story telling. im just so entertained when you keep me occupied with your story telling. teehees. keep rocking.

That's all for now. BYE!

updated;

2007-04-15T20:21:00.000+08:00

and yeah; you're waiting for a apology for going missing for a long time. I KNOW;
so IM SORRY.
okkay ?

UPDATES OF RECENT HAPPENINGS!

Ayie is so sweet. He DARES TO SHOW HIS SOFT SIDE. THAT IS MAN. It's not being afraid to show your soft side. He bothered to ask me whether i'm alright. He said words of courage. Advised. What more can i ask for ? I can keep going. ILY AYIE. Thanks for being there. You're simply the best!

Kyms said i jeleng-ed her. Maybe i did not realise ? I had no intention. but still, SORRY?

After so long, i managed to hear _______ voice and smile. awww. you said you didn't want to be named so i wont!

I am getting so much entertained with FITRIYAH. She's a great listening ear, and a great hangout partner. We just need each other and we can do a hell lot of stuffs. With ANGUS's stories. I really appreaciate her.

I followed them to nargis birthday. I swear she's gorgeous. She actually deserve all her pose. Miss new face and what is and what nots. Model at a young age. Amazing!

Oh well, i'm done and over with. I know Ms Vans, Ms Ratna and so many other teachers are reading my blog but HECK! i can't even be bothered. This is personal affairs, so i trust teachers to keep it to themselves.

I am dying already. Studies, work and everything is in a MESS! urgh! I am breaking down already. GOSH! I guess it's okayy.

I CANT WAIT FOR JUNE HOLIDAYS ! weeee. it's btwn me and fitriyah. GREAT MINDS think alike.

I think i'm done !
BYE!

it never stops strolling.

2007-04-10T19:27:00.000+08:00

First thing first, HAPPY 16th Birthday Sharilah Siregar and Kalaiselvam. Happy 13th Birthday Farizul. OUHKK?

Sasha- ill be there for you. Don't dip yourself into too much thoughts aites ?

As i stroll back home alone, a cold breeze starts blowing. I start to think to myself when this cold war was going to end. Seriously. It started raining. I was happy jumping in the rain; No one could see my tears in the rain. Only i knew.

From time to time, i do ask myself where do i come from. Who am i. What do i do. Why do i lead a life like this. Am i a human. Am i a beast. Am i a friend. Am i a son. And it goes on. None of this gives me a answer in the end.

I close my eyes to imagine me with you. Laughing out loud. Laughing together, Crying together, Sharing each and every moment with each other. Sharing each and every thoughts. Lending each other a ear, a shoulder....

As i hear the strums of guitar, the tingling sound of piano it all resound in my head. You really made my day when you addressed your goodbye just before you went home. I thank you for that.

Today school was normal. Commong test sucked. I studied but i ended up screwing things up. URGH!

I accidently waved at someone wrongly. SHUCKS! haha.RRRIGHT. Im missing a friend, another friend plus 2 sisters. HMMMF.
huruhur.

I think thats all for today.
im out!
BYE!

i promise i'd be better.

2007-04-09T21:51:00.000+08:00

IM SORRY!
FOR THAT HARSH TONE.
FOR THAT HARSH WORDS.
FOR THAT HARSH TONES AT MY BLOG.
FOR BEING WHO I AM.
FOR BEING SOMEONE USELESS.
FOR BEING ONE WHO IS HOT TEMPERED.
FOR ACTING LIKE IM SUCH A PERFECT PERSON.
FOR ACTING LIKE IM A BIG FUCKA.
BUT I WANNA LET YOU KNOW
IM NOT HERE TO SAY IM SORRY.

im seriously not here to say im sorry. im here to say that im missing you badly. those nights i haven't been sleeping. those tears i haven't stop tearing. im not here to lie to you. im here to say im ready. yhat I've finally thought it through. I'm not here to let your love go.I'm not giving up. I'm here to win your heart and soul.That's my goal. If you would accept me back if i said that it is my fault then it is. Just what do you want. I can give you anything BUT TIME. Time isn't a factor. This doesn't last forever. Remember we told each other we would go through things TOGETHER not in our seperate ways. ?? PLEASE ?
think it through ya.

hey and yeah.

I LOVE YOU FOR WHO U ARE AND NOT WHAT YOU ARE.
NO MATTER WHAT DECISION YOU MAKE I STILL LOVE U .
NO MATTER HOW YOU PLAN TO ACT I STILL LOVE YOU.
BUT PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME TURN TO A DEVIL ?

I LOVE YOU NUR HUDA BTE OTHMAN.
I POSTED YOUR NAME HERE TO SHOW YOU IM SOLEMN AND SINCERE.
OUHKK ?
I LOVE YOUUUUUU!
ILY.ILY.ILY.ILY.ILY.
ILY.ILY.ILY.ILY.ILY.
ILY.ILY.

ILY.ILY.ILY.ILY.ILY.
ILY.ILY.ILY.ILY.ILY.
ILY.ILY.

IM OUT.
BYE!

oh if sometimes.

2007-04-08T19:20:00.000+08:00

And when i saw 3 stars in the sky in one direction, it only brought me memories of a couple i just lost.

Somehow or other i know all blames will come to me. And im willing to accept that. If i say its not and argue for my own rights, people say its EGO. If i sit and talk i will end up making people cry and beg on their knees. If i don't bother and just be this way, it's easier to step outta their lives.

When things were oh so not right, for the first time you were not there.

I swear its right that you did alot for me and was sincere about it. Think back twice and reflect and rate yourself. Before you even rated me, i rated you with a 9 but you didn't even know what i was talking about.

I was working really hard and didn't spend any money because i was saving up for ur 3rd monthsary, your birthday and his birthday and now i realise i am not in need of that money no more.

I spend that 470 bucks all in one day for food, movies, arcade, and all sorta nosense. Did you know that ? No you don't.

You said you were the one who always makes the first move. Even though it's your mistake or not. Think again.

Wait ? Get this right . You're not avoiding me. Let's reflect and see what does AVOID means in the dictionary. YOU ARE avoiding me. You wouldn't bother to even look into my eye. ok wait. not you. its YOU GUYS. In fact, YOU should think back and you're wrong. I made you avoid me ? Sure ? You hurt me with your words alot of times. Did i avoid you for that ? This is what i call mature. I didn't apologise because i analysed the whole situation putting myself in your shoes and found myself in the right position. This is what i call mature. Let's sit down and talk ? I think i no longer deserve that no more. Since you have your DEAR girlfriend, your guy and dear laughing partner, you would be able to have the whole lot of hearts content happiness. Go ahead and be it.

You said your moves were wrong from the beginning and has never been right. It has been right. If you feel you are always wrong then you're wrong. When you're wrong people will tell you that you're in the mistake. If you're right, no one bothers to tell you. That's what you don't understand.

You're jealous because i found a friend better than you ? Well who is it ? Tell me and ill tell you. I won't walk away but i step outta your lives. Cos i don't deserve to be standing at that position of your TRUE friend right ? fine with me. And yeah. True. Its just a matter of time before we go our seperate ways. You don't make such decisions because you will let things take its own toll. Im sorry but im so not like that.

Oh yes i remember those credits of your doings in my life. You wre never cruel.But let's see.
u wrote this.

Remember the first time we talked?
Remember the time you made me realised what true friends are?
WHO are and WHO aren't?
Remember the day we rated our friends and You rate me a 9?
Remember the first hug and we made it a daily routine?
Remember the first time you hug _____ and i made it a daily routine for you both?
Remember the day I kneel down and told you I don't wanna lose a friend like you?

I do remember the first time we talked. It was at class when i realised you and liyana were messaging inside the class. That was the first time i saw your smile. I still i remember i took my time to reflect with you and explain why THOSE PEOPLE werent your true friends. Iremember that day on june i sat down with all of you after PDP. It was a thursday and i rated you. Of course i remember the hug and we made it a daily routine. I remember the first time i hugged ______ and you made it a daily routine for us. Lastly, i do remember the time you knelt down.

Afterall, out of all these 3 out of them is credits of me in your life. 3 of them is what we WERE doing and have stopped doing now. Now analysed that ?

If i were to start my credits in your life i can keep going. But i do that all with a sincere heart and i don't need you to know. Because i don't wuite get your motive in letting me konw all these. You feel unappreaciated ? I felt it wayyyyy earlier before you felt. Because i held you well in my arms like you're my gem. Did you do the same way for me ?

Whatever all of you guys have decided on, go ahead. I can be a devil in your lives if you want. TRY ME! You won't know how you hurt me because that's how you acted.

It's not as though you're not gonna browse through my blog. I know you will. But im just stating the fact and placing the tone at its place.

Forget about it and drop it.

I've learnt to be care free and much of getting things right on how to cover up your tears. HAHA. that's lame i know.

My friend told me that it is right of me to do this. and i know its right. and im doing it. and we'll see who's in the loosing end.
since some poeple have their BOYFRIEND to go along the cruel life they're leading. then go ahead.

Anw, im sick and tired of work. Though somehow im still working.
THANKS AYIE FOR TODAY!
THATS SUPER SUPER SWEET OF YOU!
awwwww.
hahaa.
takkaire people .
that;s all i gotta rite.

BYE!

apologies;

2007-04-07T21:21:00.000+08:00

Apologies to all readers who have been anticipating in my blog entries which i have not been updating for quite sometime. Well, what do you expect from someone who even have got no rest time for himself. I was sick and was busy with work which has been always occupying all those small little break time. It barely gives me time to breathe. Drop that.

See, i was away from the blogger world for quite sometime and i realised, i had a whole lot of updates of entries to read. I read, Updated myself. Somehow, some entries hurt me too.

To _____________.

What i read hurt me. What i heard hurt me. What you said hurt me. How you acted hurt me. All these is what you don't know.

What i know is much of what you don't know. What i feel is rahter much of what that you don't feel. What i see you're doing is much of what i'm doing. I have been always telling that but if you bother to give it a thought, you would be surprised to find it true.Hey, you just don't know how i feel. It's actually okay. It's time you move on to find someone who u think would make a TRUE friend to you. If you can find someone better or like me,come to me and let me know. orite ?
Why bother living in this thin line of string ? Just leave me alone and you'll know what im talking about. You'll know what's life without me. Since things changed when you had a guy then live on with a guy. I'd see how far you'd go and sile along.

Let's forget this alright ?

These past few days have been rather a sick one. Cos im sick! urgh! Have been busy with work and really tired because of that. That's the reason i say i have a pre-occupied schedule. Which people in my life don't realise.

RIDERS FROM CK__.

you guys were so lucky that i handed over MDS to yan xia the other day. Or else, you would have seen what that name tag was stating. That CREW LEADER word means screaming at the top of the voice to you guys right ? I would have done that but thank gawd i handed over to yan xia. Please go and check out what is your job scope.

Work life is rather stressing and makes you a stronger person somehow. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Yupp. In all ways i am tired. VERY.

It's time i face reality that _____ & ______ are outta my life. So there's nothing called _______ in my dictionary no more. You decided it and chose it. I can see you two avoiding me. Stop putting up an act. Just tell me on my face.

I dug my own grave in this situation. And im gonna iron things out MYSELF. I MEAN myself. and no one is gonna step little bit into it.

i saw you eyeing at me and was looking for that smile of mine. What you didnt realise was my tears. I came out smiling because there was YOU!

All thanks to JOHNSTEN who brighten up my day at work today. THANKS !

I guess that's all i gotta blog about.
Takkaire people.
BYE!

messed up;

2007-04-03T21:06:00.000+08:00

Now that i have cooled down, i guess i am more liable to blog about the oh-so-many-things in my head.

Here's my thoughts going out to someone whom i guess i've just lost.

I can't picture you in my head, how strong my love for you is.
Only god knows my solemn and sincere wish to be forever with you.
Day by day i feel that my love for you is getting deeper.
I have never hated you even though you have hurt me.

Don't you go and leave me here all alone.
I am not willing to let you go.
How will it be when i miss u ?
Where do i go to pamper myself.
I swear upon god that i love you.
My tears are all back.
How else can i prove you my sincere love ?
What else do you want ?
Isn't my sacrifises enough ?
Hopefully you'd know my feelings,
how my love for you is.
When my heart is starting to feel,
its not easy to forget.
Let me be like this.
Im willing to look forward for your return.

This love is from deep within.
It's not purposely forced.
Once i am sicere,
for all my life it will be.

Now that im walking life alone like i used to, i am just reflecting back those words my friends told me when they told me that we'd be there for each other. When they said i was great and didnt want to let me go. When they were even willing to beg on their knees. But now i see those words untrue. I hope this mess will soon be ironed out.