Friday, August 01, 2008

11:11 PM

Sense of insecure.

I am very sure everyone has felt the feeling of insecure. I just i've lost the ones i love. I just feel that i've lost them. First i lost ___________ now i'm in the process of losing ________. Is it that i'm expecting too much of you. Perhaps its maybe is that i'm not receptive of your actions and thoughts. Maybe the problem lies with me because i just have too many friends around me that got myself into a confused consequence and in a situation where my table is messy to an extend where i feel like triggering off whatever angst i've got in mind to brush of all the dust that i visualise in my daily life.

To whom it may concern:

I thought you wouldn't leave. Time and again you keep breaking my promises. Why did you have to keep so much of emotions within yourself and blame me for not understanding you ? Why did you have to keep in mind that i'm not what you'e been expecting of me. Why are you someone who always expect me to give in. Yes, i always want to be right and plae my ego before you, but have you ever realised how much i've been trying to sacrifise for you? Have you ever seen the side of me who tries so hard to make you feel that you're great ? Have you ever thought about the times when no one's there and i was ? Have you ever thought whether you've hurt me ? Why are you so different from before?

Am i expecting and visualising the things that are vague or things that is extra prominent into my eyes. Or maybe intepreting things which you will never understand ? If i am that bad, i rather you tell me off and ask me to leave and we can be normal friends and i can just leave your life and step out of every single thing i am in right now. Can you please let me know just what is your thoughts of me ?? This is going on for too long. I have no more listening ears which i can depend on. I am afraid that what i'm thinking of doing right now might hurt you. I don't even now whether it's the right thing to do. I am in a confused state more than you think i am. We both know in silence that things are left undone at the end of everyday's repetition of routine, but you still are not willing to settle things because you have someone in repacement of me is it ?

I am really unsure of my mood and feeling that internally harping on each and every thought that builds me up emotionally yet breaks me down at the end of it. Brilliant. Brilliant things they say to me. Act out to me. Yet again, i am trying to understand what all of them are upbringing to me. All my laughters, it makes everyone happy and hyperactive. It's great to see someone smile and looking into your eyes to thank you in great appreaciation. I just feel that i'm doing so much good to people that they advantage of me. I feel so unappreaciated. I just feel alone and empty with no one around me. I feel like everyone's just putting up an act. I really shape up their heart, their pillar of strength and emotions but they never fail to tear down mine. Sometimes, in life you should learn to be smug too. It helps you fight for your own rights.

To whom it may concern:

After talking to you, i feel like ouring every single thing out to you and let you know how i feel since you resemble _________ so much. I feel like letting you know how much inside of me is tearing apart. Thanks for your voice and honesty.

Right now, all i feel like doing is to talk to someone i trust, who can lend his/her listening ears. I feel like shit.

*Myself

Apparently, like what one of my love always point out to me. People use this space to brag about how great god's creation is or telling the world how much they detest their own race or religion or even start whining about how much they hate their ugly girlfriend or boyfriend. I find it rather weird though. If that's the case, it defeats the title man! How saddening to see them use illiterate brans with no enzyme juices to be squeezed out because it seems to be typical man! Gosh! Anyhow, judge me for yourself.

Friday, August 01, 2008

*Myself

*Read this

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*LINKS

*SORROW