Tuesday, October 16, 2007
12:27 PM
whats this feeling ?
okay! This is random but i sometimes realise that if you're too good at something, people tend to ignore whatever you're good at and find for your flaws!
In this world we are living in now, we must learn to be thick skinned and be sorta self centred. Helping others too much may lead to a great loss! Though its a good thing to help others but not in the working environment. Maybe helping friends out may be a blessful good deed but in a working environment, helping others is a big NO, NO. Yet again, this is in my perspective and its not meant to offend anyone out there.
I am someone who easily prioritize others before me and that became a very strong factor for people to take advantage of situations and make use of me to get something that they want. It happens more in the working environment compared to the school and friendship or even relationship atmosphere. I do reflect on things sometimes and i realise i am stupid and i want to make changes to my lifestlye by being more self centred and what is and what nots. What i do realise is that, all these changes i wanna try to execute is absolutely not working out in the end. I realise i still end up helping others and be an angel i always am.
Though these sacrifises i made, i do have people talking about me. They go talking about saying i am not working properly, i am proud and this and that. Sometimes i find it true yet hurting but yet again, why don't they try to understand me and my perspective.... ?
I sorta gave up and told myself that i need to do something. I have taken some action and lets see what happens. Let's put that on hold anyway!
Besides, how can i forget to blog about the oh-so-heartaching moments. Things seem to be getting better yet worste. I don't know if i am over exaggarating things or is things naturally like this. I don't know if i did something wrong, that's why he wants to walk away or is it because he feels guilty. Maybe it's just because this is him. Maybe he has his own lifestyle and i have mine. Is that just it ? Somehow this is what i call the 'cold shoulder' treatment. I have never been able to stand this and will never be able to.
It's tortorous for someone who has naturally grown into you and then suddenly walk away. I can't stand this. Especially when you intend to settle things and the other party can't be bothered to and denies whatever you ask him. Its rather hurting this way for people who treausre friendships. How can someone move on without no reason or excuses. Facing reality i have to know someday, somewhere if we are meant to be close, we will. But yet at the other end, i think that i should just be close to him till forever! I just feel that i should not lose him and keep him close by my side and make sure he's fine.
Though it cooled me down to know that he is fine and everything is fine so far. Still, i feel so unappreaciated. It just like teachers who feel unappreaciated towards students who complains after much hard work and summarised topics. Its just like that. Its the same feeling i get. It's like as though i wanted this to happen. Out of my goodwill, i helped and gave my all but sometimes its taken advantage of. What else does he want to do ? What else does he want me to say? What else does he want me to sacrifise and give ? Isn't all this enough ? I have no questions to ask anymore because i am dumb founded.
Was it really stupid of me to act out to be this way ? How interesting don't you think so ? It is very disturbing. He always gave me a reason to smile. Now, i have to find excuses to lie to myself just to smile. I find it dumb though! Oh well, whatever! Let's see how things goes and still i haven't stopped missing people! IMY!
Till here, we shall end! Keep the tags rollin, and don't stop anticipating in my blog entries! =))