Monday, October 29, 2007
9:47 PM
tears;
i have alot of things in my head right now. If only i could find a way to get out of this mess im in. Everyone tells me that home is heaven. If only i see it come true...
Someway or other, i still feel so dejected being in this situation.
To start of with is my studies.
When i was in NT, nobody bothered to praise me whenver i did well for exams... It was always said, since you can do this try to do better. Get full marks. Top your school, yada yada...
Then i aimed to top my class.. I did'nt make it though.i got second though its by 0.2 marks difference. Still, i was offered to go to NA. I took up the chance. It was a tough war and i thought i couldnt make it to sec 3, but i did. Still i did nothing but to slack the whole year.
I let everyone down. My teachers, parents, friends and everyone else. Im just a pure disappointment. The last two weeks before eoy i did study and slog it all out. But i still didnt do well... Everyone was so disappointed. Even Ms vans and ms ratna. How guilty do you think i am ? My parents rub it in by saying they're not satisfied with it and all. How else do you think i will feel ?
Besides this... When anything at home goes missing, i get blamed and end up being nagged at. Isn't this called being a doll. I feel so lost and dumb for not voicing out because i once did it and will always be looked upon if anyting like this happens. I really feel its like im letting people use me and just let things be...
What else besides work... I give my all and sacrifise alot just to get what i've wanting all this while... Yet, they dont see what sacrifises i give instead pic out all my bad points... Isnt things so political ?
Haiz... I still think im just a pure disappointment to alot of people... I thank god though for giving me people like RK, Yk, abg, pit, kak eira, kak ana, shahrul, lo'loo and everyone else who loves me!
I still think i need to apologise for being such a diappointment in studies. Im sorry for shutting up and just accepting whatever blames that is thrown at me.
Still SO WHAT IF YOU THINK I STOLE THIS AND THAT. SO WHAT IF I DID TERRIBLY FOR MY EXMAS! SO WHAT ?
After all i've always been a disappointment what ?
FUCK! i hate tis!