Sunday, August 05, 2007

10:03 PM

when you're gone.

I always wanted to see you and be with you all day long. I always wanted to be smiling hearing you say you love me and you miss me. All my dreams are just mere dreams and never came true. Whenever i hear the piano tone soothe my ear and the strumming of guitar and touches it up, i dread and think about those moments. All sorta question pop out from people but i did not answer. I guess its time i reveal it all out....

To whom it may concern:

Yes it is true. I was avoiding you two. I just do not want to be a barrier in your relationship. I don't wanna be someone who creep into someone's life just to spoil it. I can't stand it when each time im present either one of you is down. I don't cry on the spot but i cry all night at home. I control. Once or twice i couldn't stand i cried on the spot. I swear, till now i have not healed from the words that got into my ears. That moment keep playing and keep ringing. I keep myself busy so i won't think about it. I cry when im alone. I cry when i hear those songs. I cry when i see you from afar. I cry thinking about the fact that im gonna lose you. But my mind is made up. i am not gonna make a big difference but you guys are gonna make a big difference in my life. You guys were the same people who taught me how to love and you guys are the same people who taught me how to not love anymore. It's because it affects me alot. Each time you guys quarrel i keep thinking to myself that im the reason for whatever that happened. I am tired. Mentally, physically and phsycologically. I keep repeating that.

What happened you ask me ? im hurt. Very terribly hurt. I swear i never stop crying when im thinking about that incident. I keep wanting to hear those words, i love you, i miss you and stuffs. I always wanted to hear its been sometime since i met you. but i don't see it at all. Its always me who is giving away my words which are not replied or appreaciated. My sacrifises. My pain, my slits and everything else went down the drain just like that. Im not blaming anyone but this is just my thoughts. I know its my fault for throwing that card but i really did not mean it. I swear. I know its my fault for chasing you when you're mad but i care and i love thats why. I was worried. But once you say get lost. I persisted. You said fuck off i persisted. When you told me to fuck off because you don't want me i could not. I'd keep this forever in my head. Yes, i am foolish and irritating because i don't know when to get hype and when to not. Yes, i am not understanding.Yes, i know im someonw who drags you guys all around. YES IT IS ME! im sorry.

I lie on my bed and think to myself that its painful that im losing you. I HAVE made up my mind. It's true. I just wanna be alone and don't wanna be what i used to be because i've been through over and over again. Its gonna be hard but ive succeeded going through this before and im sure i can do it again. You two are losing ONE person but i am losing TWO people. For some reasons or other you guys are gonna hate me so be it. Go ahead and keep talking if you guys ever want. I am just hurt. It is my fault. Did you know how happy i was when i heard YES at cck mrt staition. Do you know how happy i was when i hear love and misses messages. Haizz. I guys its all history. I hope you read this and tell to whoever it needs to be told.

So long and goodbye.

*Myself

Apparently, like what one of my love always point out to me. People use this space to brag about how great god's creation is or telling the world how much they detest their own race or religion or even start whining about how much they hate their ugly girlfriend or boyfriend. I find it rather weird though. If that's the case, it defeats the title man! How saddening to see them use illiterate brans with no enzyme juices to be squeezed out because it seems to be typical man! Gosh! Anyhow, judge me for yourself.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

*Myself

*Read this

*TAGS

*LINKS

*SORROW