Friday, March 23, 2007

10:41 PM

hoping...

It hits me all of a sudden. When sometimes you hope for something too much you end up giving up and just let it be a dream forever. I'm still dreaming and waiting for that day to come. When i get to sit with _______ alone and talk things out. Even out our odds, and of course promise to each other stuffs just like the past. I know _____ is not comfortable hanging out with me, but still i will try my best to satisfy your needs. I've been cracking my head and secreting out all sources of brain juices in my head just to find a way to satisfy ________. I can swear to you readers im really sincere and serious about this. I ask people about _______ just to see if he's okay. When i saw a hump on his ________ , i got really worried but i realised things are different now. I couldnt even advise him anything because i was afraid he would hold a grudge towards me. When he asked me what to do, i did not want to say anything because i was afraid he would find it stupid and end up quarreling. It pricked seeing your ________. I did not care about anything else at that point but to help him do something, but he looked so fucked up with me. I kept shut.

Its been so long since i heard your voice creeping into my ears. It's been so long since we had eye contact. Is this karma ? Who did i do this to ? Are you just making me feel terrible ? You're just a saviour in my life. A saint that was sent from god to prove the impossible possible in my life through you. I can see you in my mind talking to me. I raise my head from the table to see you listening to the teacher. When i heard you telling your friends "eee! benci sak aku ngan yasin tu!" (meaning:- eee! i hate that yasin uh.) i got heart shattering feeling and was full of question mark. I know this happened a long time ago and i shouldn't be racking this up but it was too much of a impact to me. Are we going to mend things up and laugh thinking about this ? It's been so long since you've been away. I guess you want to be left alone with her. Aren't my sacrifises enough ? Why did you back off when i wanted to _______ you ?

I'm still hanging on this plain thin piece of string. You were not there for a moment in my life, i told you. After that, you WERE there. Now, you're not there anymore. I saw you walking away with that cold stare of yours. The doctor confirmed. My ____________ comes only when i face a great exposure of impact all at once. So i declaired that this IS the impact. Please talk about this to me. I really want to settle things. Btw, thanks Dr Koh!

Let's move on.

Dance was rather nerve racking today. I had to explain things out to them what my situation is. I am stressed up right now. We are performing at Crescent Girls next saturday and my choreography isn't done yet . They're so incooperative. After i explained things out, i hope they'd understand. I hope you guys will aites RIK ?

I got peeved up when your character got like "i only talk to FRIENDS. not JERKS." You guys kind of get me ? It hurts badly. Seriously. Especially when you prioritise your friends first. Just what do you want from me ? Oh please tell me. I've been through this same situation years ago but it ended up harsh. I hope this one will not. I hope everything would be fine. I cry every night thinking about how we've been through thick and thin. Remember you used to say " Eventhough we fight alot, you'd be my bro ?" Remeniscing your presence badly.

Who can i turn to ? Everyone's walking like they always do . Everyone's talking like they always do. Everyone's being themselves. And i am being me! The one who cries for being sucha bad and useless friend. The one who cries for losing a friend. Pathetic huh ? Immature huh ? Childish huh ? Jerk huh ? I know. Some would definitely say " get alife lar jerk." Well this is me .

Emotions are taking over and im getting rather restless. Getting the whole of my energy exerted on my daily routine. How i hope you'd be there to push me up to the top and i'll drag you along.

Im DONE!

Friday, March 23, 2007

*Myself

*Read this

*TAGS

*LINKS

*SORROW