Monday, January 29, 2007
7:29 PM
just like i said.
Maybe when you find out that I'm dead,
you'll realize what you did to me.
And if my lungs still let me breathe,
would you be there for me?
If I can make myself believe,
I'll give you back what you took away.
You made me swear.
I can't sleep.
Realize all these things that you took from me.
Smash my heart into dust.
Suffocate my mind.
Tear at me from inside.
Smash apart what you created.
How can i ever stop you from crushing my soul?
It was, it was yours, yours to begin with.
digging into my bag to find for a notebook.
during that tensed moment,
something cooled me down.
i saw this book.
this book of memories.
i flipped through it.
one by one it broke my heart.
i was standing strong.
still smiling.
i never failed to smile to my friends.
i thought things were over.
i thought now we were lasting for real.
but somehow it didnt last.
but i know im at fault.
ive made up my mind.
i'd rather back off.
thanks for everything.
if anybody ask me why im not talking to him/her
i hope id just haf to say 'go read my blog'.
it lingerd in this atmosphere.
i can feel this presence.
id remember this phrase forever,
"if you're sad im sad."
but if im sad feeling happy for you,
ud feel happy.
k ?
i noe im not suppose to be riting this.
but this agony.
this hatred, darkness.
this pain.
this blood.
this everything.
i dont know.
ada sesuatu yg ku ingin berlafazkan.
tapi, tiada org ingin dgr kesusahan ku.
i've changed right.
yeah.
i noe.
im not the same person u knew.
i noe.
pain is all i found.
all this 'acting like i care' attitude.
its killing me.
say it in front of me.
say it.
say that u dont care.
let me be.
just leave me alone.
i tink i need a break.
a break from all this mental, emotional, physical stress.
cos its not about releasing it.
something in your eyes tells me u wanna end this so badly.
here u go.
im doing things u want.
im doing things i said will come true.
i knew we weere gonna go through rough situation.
now im at the edge of the rocks.
when u 2 were falling down the rock i pulled u up to save u.
and im now sacrifisng myself to the goddess of the sea so that
she can eat me instead of them.
let me be.
let me not stop those fucking habit.
let me slit my hands.
let me cry.
JUST LEAVE ME.
i feel so unsure
about how things is gonna turn out.
but id just stand behind and shut up.
u said u would rather shut than talk ??
then me too.
im sorry.
cos each time I talk we end up fighting.
but when times u talk we'd end up normal.
dont u tink so.?
it lies with me right ?
now that you want me gone
i will go away.
even if it kilss me to say goodbye.
i will.
cos id rather have to see you smile than cry.
lemme pull this knife out of my heart and continue
slitting my hand.
it gets real hard to walk away.
cos im never gonna come back.
i cant explain this feeling.
i THOUGHT we were back.
now its all past.
its all history.
i dun wanna hurt anyone.
i dun want to be playing
mr oh-so-nice anymore.
but YAY-ness.
at least i see my surrounding happy.
i just want you people to know
i will, have been and am approving
and accepting every single one of you.
goodbye people.